Ron’s Short Review: Emotional Intelligence correlates completely with success. Also read Emotional Intelligence.
Ron’s Short Review: There has never been any correlation found between IQ and success but complete correlation between EQ (or Emotional Intelligence) and success. Also read Working with Emotional Intelligence.
Ron’s Short Review: Goleman continues to reinforce that it’s our emotional intelligence that actually makes a difference.
Amy Cuddy has written at least three very profound books:
- When They Trust You, They Hear You: A Modern Guide for Speaking to Any Audience
- Leadership Presence – Part of HBR Emotional Intelligence Series (14 Books)
- Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges
Amy says the first two things people want to know when they first meet you are:
- Can I trust this person?
- Can I respect this person?
Psychologists refer to these dimensions as warmth and competence, respectively.
Warmth is not measured on corporate evaluations
I often run an experiment with teams where half the team gets a list of characteristics found in a fictitious person. The other half of the team gets a similar list of characteristics on another fictitious person.
Both lists contain words such as:
- Intelligent
- Skillful
- Industrious
- Determined
- Practical
- As well as a few other descriptions
There is one (and only one) difference in the two lists:
- One list contains the word “Warm”
- The other list contains the word “Cold”
I then have the whole team vote on characteristics such as:
- generous vs. ungenerous
- unhappy vs. happy
- reliable vs. unreliable
- frivolous vs. serious
- imaginative vs. hardheaded
- dishonest vs. honest
- There are 16 total comparisons
(Remember that the lists are identical except for the words warm and cold.)
The group that has the word “warm” in their descriptor attributes the more positive characteristic to their fictitious person.
The group with the word “cold” in their descriptor attributes the more negative characteristic to their fictitious person.
Is a person warm or cold? This one factor will set our expectations for that person and can be the difference of our trust factor! Be a warm person. It pays rewards.
Respect or Competence
In the book, Speed of Trust, author Stephen M. R. Covey lists four characteristics that need to be present before we trust someone. This list has often helped my consulting when there is obvious (at least to me) mistrust on a team. However, when I ask the team if they trust each other, the answers are almost always a positive yes.
But when I break down trust to this subset of characteristics, there is usually one where people have a concern. “Yes I trust the person but….”
The list is
- Integrity – Is the person always the same person no matter who they are talking with or what the circumstances are?
- Intent – This one usually revolves around the issue of what is best for the team or company vs. what is best for the individual. Is their intent focused on the best for others or the best for themselves?
- Capabilities – The person may be sharp and accomplished but do they have the experiences necessary to work through the situation they face? Are they capable?
- Results – Has the person actually produced positive results.? Often people talk a good line or more likely have a list of reasons why something didn’t work. Did they actually produce results in spite of the difficulties they faced?
When you break down the question of trust into these four components, it’s easier to deal with and identify.
Trust/Respect
Is trust more important than competency? Or is competency the supreme measure of success and reliability? If you think competency is the superior measurement, you need to read a chapter from Deep Change by Robert Quinn. The chapter is titled “Tyranny of Competence”.
Amy Cuddy says “But while competence is highly valued, it is evaluated only after trust is established. And focusing too much on displaying your strength can backfire”.
Be trustworthy first! It’s the only way your competency will have value.
From the time we were little, we became aware of IQ. I first remember becoming aware of it in about the sixth grade. That means I was ten or eleven.
And right from the start, it became a competition. If I had a higher IQ than you did, I was headed for greater success in my life.
IQ and Success
However, no correlation has ever been found between IQ and success. Some with high IQ’s experience no success. Others with moderate or even below average IQ’s experience high levels of success. No correlation has ever been found!
So why do we place so much emphasis on IQ?
- Because there’s a test!
- It’s easy to measure.
- It’s easy to demonstrate.
- It’s easy for others to spot.
All of these can point toward high IQ. None of them will guarantee success.
EQ
On the other hand, EQ (Emotional Quotient) has been demonstrated as being completely correlated with success.
So if there is so much correlation with EQ and none with IQ, why don’t we hear more about EQ?
- It’s the “soft” skill.
- It’s difficult or even impossible to measure.
- It’s easy to demonstrate.
- It’s easy for others to spot.
Notice that the last two are the same as IQ. They’re both easy to demonstrate and spot.
EQ is hard to measure but it’s easy to spot. The question is, how does it look different than IQ?
Let’s take a look at what are considered the elements of EQ.
One of the early books was written by Daniel Goleman titled Emotional Intelligence. Since that initial book, written in 2009, something approaching thirty books have been written on the subject.
Let’s take a quick look at the elements identified in that initial book.
- Self Awareness
- Self-Regulation
- Motivation
- Empathy
- Social Skills
Self Awareness
The ability to know one’s emotions: strengths, weaknesses, drives, values, and goals and recognize their impact on others while using gut feelings to guide decisions.
This element of self-awareness is listed first among the five. I believe it gets that rank because of it’s dependency on many of the other elements and requires the trait of humility which is listed as the first element of great leadership in my book “Trust Me”.
Strengths and weaknesses are also dependent on feedback from others. The Johari Window describes this map. Your strengths and weaknesses usually fall in “The Blind Self” window. This window contains things you don’t know about yourself but others do know about you. The only way to “open” that window is to ask for, listen to, and honestly process feedback from others.
Self Regulation
Involves controlling or redirecting one’s disruptive emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.
What are the disruptive emotions? Let’s start with the ancient “Seven Deadly Sins”. Broadly speaking, the seven deadly sins function as ethical guidelines. The seven deadly sins include:
Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed, and Sloth
It may be better to think about the counter to each of those words
- Humility – Pride
- Kindness – Envy
- Temperance – Gluttony
- Chastity – Lust
- Patience – Anger
- Charity – Greed
- Diligence – Sloth
Motivation
Being driven to achieve for the sake of achievement.
Many people make it to the top of the organization because they are hyper-competitive. Being motivated towards a great goal appeals to people much more than being competitive or beating someone.
I worked with a sales manager that may have been the most competitive person I ever met. He won everything! At first, the corporation thought this guy was superman. But then the clients started to leave and go elsewhere. When I talked with the clients they said, “This guy has a need to win everything. We may have just given in to the greatest of demands but that’s not enough for him. He has to win even the smallest of issues! We’re going elsewhere. He has destroyed our relationship.”
Empathy
Considering other people’s feelings especially when making decisions.
There’s a scene in the movie “You’ve got mail” between Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. Tom Hanks’s character owns a large bookstore and he’s just put Meg Ryan’s character out of business at her small, neighborhood bookstore. When Meg finds out who he is, she goes ballistic. In the middle of the rant, Tom moves back a few steps, puts up his hands, and says “It was only business.” What he’s saying here is that business is by the numbers only. It’s never about emotions. Wrong!
Every time I’ve coached a leadership team to consider the emotions involved in a decision, not just the numbers, they’ve made a better decision. Empathy is good for business.
Social Skills
Managing relationships to move people in the desired direction.
This is not about manipulation. The human mind can detect manipulation quickly. This is about getting buy-in. This is about people wanting to go to the destination that you’re talking about. People don’t buy ideas or concepts based on logic. They buy things based on emotion. They justify the purchase based on logic.
Years ago we were purchasing a small basic car for my wife for local transportation. While they were bringing a car to the front for her to look at, the salesperson and I were drooling over a corvette in the showroom. My wife finally said “I see no logical reason to buy a corvette. After a few seconds of blank stares, we both said “What’s your point. NO ONE buys a corvette for logical reasons. They’re all purchased based on emotions!”
Marketing people learned this a long time ago. Our purchases are based on emotions, not logic. Even ideas. We don’t buy into an idea unless it captures us emotionally.
EQ vs IQ
To improve your IQ, read. To improve your EQ, build relationships, know who you are, where you’re going, and get people emotionally excited to join you in your journey.
A couple of years ago Travis Bradberry wrote an article for Forbes titled “12 Habits of Genuine People.” He begins the article by looking at the concept of Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient (EQ). It’s been demonstrated that people with high EQ’s perform better, get paid better and are better leaders. His point is EQ doesn’t produce any of those benefits if you’re not genuine.
Timeless Message
That title caught my eye and it went into the pile of topics for blogs. Well it’s now two years later but as I reread the article it has a timeless message that will never go out of date.
I’m going to comment on his 12 Habits in a series of blog posts and will consolidate a few of them. Here is his list of 12:
- They don’t try to make people like them.
- They don’t pass judgment.
- They forge their own paths.
- They are generous.
- They treat everyone with respect.
- They aren’t motivated by material things.
- They are trustworthy.
- They are thick-skinned.
- They put away their phones.
- They aren’t driven by ego.
- They aren’t hypocrites.
- They don’t brag.
Genuine
Let’s start with the definition of Genuine. As I looked up the history and meaning of the word I would see many references to the word “Authentic” and vise versa. The two words seem to be tightly coupled.
We can learn a lot by looking at the synonyms and you wouldn’t be surprised by any of them. Both words have many of the same synonyms. But I often find it more revealing to look at the antonyms.
Antonyms
- Bogus
- Insincere
- Fake
- Unreliable
The antonyms begin to paint a very clear and often recognizable picture. Both our experience and brain science notes that the human mind seems to be very aware of and skeptical of anything that appears to be bogus, insincere, fake or unreliable. These things are rooted in the deepest part of our brain that is on a constant lookout for danger. Most of it happens in the subconscious but as soon as our brain sends up some warnings our body begins to react in many ways to gain our attention and prepare us for fight or flight.
Think about your reaction to those words.
Bogus
We’re watching TV and suddenly the words say, “Wait! Order now and we’ll double your order for the same price of $19.99!” What’s your reaction? BOGUS
Insincere
The words are coming out of their mouth but there is no real concern in their expression. We instantly know that the words are INSINCERE.
Fake
We hear this one almost every day. FAKE news. FAKE stories. FAKE accusations. I’ve heard many family and friends say, “I don’t know who to trust anymore.” The only way to judge news and behaviors is to know what you believe in, what you stand for and why.
Unreliable
Did someone do what they said they were going to do? Are they reliable? This brings in many of the synonyms related to genuine and authentic: dependable, trustworthy, honest, faithful. If people don’t live up to these standards, they are UNRELIABLE.
Being Genuine
Being genuine is a lot of things. But it is not bogus, insincere, fake or unreliable. Over the next few posts, we’ll look at Mr. Bradberry’s list to help us stay on the path of being genuine.
I’m continuing my series on an in-depth look at a wonderful little book that’s twenty years old this year. Management of the Absurd by Richard Farson. You may want to consider dropping back and reading the previous blogs about ABSURD! I think it will put each new one in great context.
One tag line that I’ve always lived by since I started my consulting business is “I only work with companies that want to be helped.” I guess I learned early that I can’t teach anyone anything, I can only help them learn. If they’re not interested in learning, I will never be effective at teaching them anything. In fact, it’s always amazed me that the companies and individual leaders that look like they need very little help are always the ones that will dig the deepest into the learning in order to improve in any way they can.
Our author really clarifies this with a couple of statements. “Deeply troubled companies don’t usually seek help. And when they do, they have a hard time benefiting from it. The situation parallels one in psychotherapy. Psychotherapy is usually ineffective for severely mentally ill people; it works better for well people. The healthier you are psychologically, or the less you may seem to need to change, the more you can change.”
This statement reflects exactly what I’ve seen consistently over decades of consulting work. The healthiest leaders with the greatest self-esteem (comfortable with who they are) are the ones that want to learn and improve the most.
Farson goes on to state “The consultant’s essential role is to hold up a mirror to the organization, reflecting the processes that may be limiting its growth. As might be expected, the most critical issues center around leadership, not performance down the line. Small wonder, then, that leaders of troubled companies tend to shy away from calling in consultants. They know that they will have to do some serious self-examination.”
Daniel Goleman wrote his Emotional Intelligence many years ago. While there’s never been any correlation found between IQ and success, there is almost complete correlation between EQ (Emotional Quotient) and success. At the base of your Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient is self-awareness. And more interesting is that self-awareness can’t be fully understand simply from within yourself. Self-awareness requires feedback. Are you open to feedback? Without it you’re not even going to be self-aware enough to even know you need help or to seek out the help you need.
I have worked with many leaders and many future leaders who believe that people are born with leadership skills. Some just “have it” and others don’t seem to have “it” or at least enough of it. For those who don’t have a belief one way or the other, they are often asking the question “Are leaders made or born?” The question often seems to be a self-reflective one, wondering if they have it or not.
Just having the open question often leaves leaders and teams hobbling around like they had a sprained ankle. So, what do we do to help sooth a sprained ankle? Put ICE on it!
I = Intelligence Quotient
From the time we started in school we have known about or had questions about IQ. How smart are you? Do you have a high IQ? Are you going to come up short in life if you don’t have that high IQ? IQ has been with us for a long time and here’s a few things we know about it:
- IQ is often static throughout your lifetime and doesn’t seem to change much with learning.
- It also seems to have many correlative factors such as: income, demographics, environmental factors, and can be influenced by hereditary or genetic factors.
- But most importantly we have never found any correlation between IQ and success.
C = Cognitive Function
Cognitive Functions are not static. They will grow and develop over time and with age. However, don’t assume that aging alone will increase your Cognitive Function. Gray hair also comes with aging but that doesn’t make you any wiser. You need to intentionally practice and get better at your Cognitive Functions that include:
- Focus: the ability to keep your attention focused on an issue in order to properly grabble with it. Lack of focus and interrupted attention are two prevalent problems I see in corporate leadership today.
- Perception: That ability to understand that your perception of a problem or issue is just that, a perception. Individuals high in Cognitive Function seem to have the capacity to deal with many perceptions to an issue and hold them in high regard as they sort through difficult issues.
- Executive Skills: This interestingly named function has to do with the brain’s frontal lobe and deals with decision making skills among others.
E = Emotional Intelligence
This function was put forth by Daniel Goleman in the early 2000’s and has proved to be highly correlated to good leadership. Elements that Goleman identified included the 5 S’s of:
- Self-Awareness
- Self-Regulation
- Self-Motivation
- Social Awareness
- Social Skills
These skills are also skills that can be grown and developed over time. With practice you can increase and improve each one of these.
ICE = IQ + CQ + EQ
These are the elements of great leadership. And IQ is the only one we’re born with and also seems to be the least impactful on our success as a leader. Average IQ is all you need. Developing high CQ and EQ will turn you into a great leader.
Leaders are self-made!
Source: MartialArtsNomad.com, Creative Commons
I recently started working with a new leadership team and I was interviewing each member to get a feel for the current conditions on the team. While they all spoke of how nice it was to work for this company and with this team, several of them said something to the effect that “we just haven’t been able to have a good fight yet.” I don’t think anyone was itching for a fight but they were longing for the tough debates about either controversial issues or issues where there seemed to be lack of alignment. Soon after that interview an interesting article popped up on LinkedIn written by Dr. Travis Bradberry, author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0. Dr. Bradberry starts his article with “When you’re a nice person, conflict can be a real challenge.” What really made me smile was his next line, “Not that mean people are any better at conflict, they just enjoy it more.” I like working with nice people but I really enjoy working with nice people who are really good at conflict.
Conflict is a needed ingredient
On high performance teams, conflict is a needed ingredient. I’m talking about conflict of ideas, experiences, assumptions, outlooks, beliefs, etc. It’s the richness of diversity of thought that is necessary for teams to become high performance teams. But diversity without well managed conflict will only lead to the splintering of teams into different camps.
Many of Dr. Bradberry’s suggestions are useful:
Consider the repercussions of silence
Often it just seems easier to be quiet and not bring up your objections or different point of view. However, not bringing them up is a decision in itself. You’ve just traded off the cost of dealing with it now vs the cost that will come with the ramifications down the road. The later costs are always higher than the present ones.
Don’t speak in absolutes
I’ve seen this one escalate arguments quickly. “You always” or “You Never” seem to trigger primal reactions in us that will lead to and grow a fight quicker than almost any other response.
Ask good questions until you get the heart of the matter
One of the books that recently went up on my reading list is “The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More and Change the Way you Lead Forever”. Using good questions is the best way to lead and deal with conflict. Stay curious my friend.
Dr. Bradberry includes several other suggestions that you may want to dig into. But I’ll close this blog with a thought from Dr. Scott Peck in his book “The Road Less Traveled.” His belief is that at the root of mental illness is the avoidance of pain and suffering. You may avoid the pain and suffering in the moment but if you can’t have that good fight, it will lead to a highly dysfunctional team rather than a high performance team.
Source: Pedro Ribeiro Simões, Creative Commons
In an article for LinkedIn, Dr. Travis Bradberry, Coauthor of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 & President at TalentSmart says:
It’s easy for leaders to get caught up in their own worlds as there are many systems in place that make it all about them. These leaders identify so strongly with their leadership roles that instead of remembering that the only reason they’re there is to serve others, they start thinking, ‘It’s my world, and we’ll do things my way.’ Being a good leader requires remembering that you’re there for a reason, and the reason certainly isn’t to have your way. High-integrity leaders not only welcome questioning and criticism, they insist on it.
I don’t think Integrity lands on a continuum. You don’t hear people saying “Ruth scores higher on the integrity scale that Ralph does.” What you do hear is “Ruth has integrity. Ralph doesn’t.”
It’s amazing to me how visible this becomes. I have the opportunity to spend time with leaders of different businesses in different industries all the time. When there is lack of integrity in a company you can sense it from the time you walk in the door. It’s in the air. You can see it in the way people greet each other in the hall way or conference rooms. You can hear it during the conversations on the phone or more importantly in the conversations after the phone call ends. You can taste it in that sour feeling after difficult conversations. You get the point. Your senses know.
But, note Dr. Bradberry’s last sentence, high-integrity leaders welcome and insist on questioning and criticism.
One view of questioning and criticism is encapsulated in the term feedback. I’ve told the story in some of my previous blog’s that the term feedback was coined during the early days of rocketry when the scientists figured out they needed to develop good “feedback” systems in order to hit a target. Great thrust without great feedback is just an out-of-control rocket. High-integrity leaders accept feedback and develop great feedback systems for everyone.
Another view of the questioning and criticism quote is to view it during team discussions or problem solving sessions. Are the contrary views heard and even encouraged? Do the teams have a mechanism, dialogue being one of the best, for sorting through the contrary views? Is everyone heard, listened to and understood? You can feel the integrity when it exists during the team sessions.
Integrity is not something you either have or not. It’s something you build over time and for leaders who are getting higher and higher on the leadership ladder, it’s something you maintain and develop as it becomes easier for people to tell you what they think you want to hear rather than the contrary view.
Check out the Integrity chapter in our book, Trust Me. It’s one of the eight essential principles of great leadership.
Ron’s Short Review: Goleman is the originator of Emotional Intelligence.
Ron’s Short Review: A good application of Emotional Intelligence to Leadership.
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