This has been a stalwart statement in many corporate environments for many years. It’s written on many walls as part of the values list that many corporations generate. It’s spoken often. Assume Positive Intent! It’s just seldom followed.
Why do we have so much difficulty assuming positive intent? I have some theories and even some science that explains why our brain often has difficulty assuming the best. What is clear, it’s a vicious, self-fulfilling prophecy. Once we believe we experienced bad intend, that belief system continues to reinforce the perception by filtering behaviors and circumstances from that point of view. It’s known as confirmation bias. Every behavior begins to confirm our bias.
The Most Respectful Interpretation
My favorite blogger, Shane Parrish of Farnam Street blog speaks to this concept when he references Brene Brown. Brown speaks of Dr. Jean Kantambu Latting, a professor at University of Houston. Dr. Latting says “What is the most generous assumption you can make about this person’s intentions or what this person said?” Notice what the question changes. We are no longer trying to assume positive intent, especially when we don’t assume it in the first place. We are now asking ourselves a question. What will we do? What is the most generous assumption we can make?
Our first reaction probably doesn’t reflect much generosity. But that’s the point. If you’re not being generous, you’re not answering the question. Take a deep breath, let you anger subside and ask yourself again, what is the most generous assumption you can make? While you may not be feeling generous, the question is still asking you to be generous in your assumption. “Well, to be generous I might assume that they had a family emergency and therefore couldn’t respond to me when I needed it.” A family emergency? I hope everything is OK. Now you’re even feeling generous, not just acting generous. How do you think the other person would respond if you expressed genuine concern about their well-being as you inquire once again about your need?
What is you most respectful interpretation? It can change the dynamics completely.
