I’ve seen the full spectrum through the years of those who trust until the trust is broken (the end of the spectrum that I sit on) and those who say no trust granted until it’s earned.
A recent Harvard Business Review, Management Tip of the Day listed “3 Mistakes to Avoid When Taking Over a Team.” The third tip was “Attempting to force trust too quickly. Until team members have had time to see how you handle uncomfortable topics too much candor will do more harm than good. Let trust build over time.” The word candor in the middle of that sentence caught my eye.
It’s not that you’re not trusting or offering trust, but don’t assume candor will be accepted with trust and appreciation until you’ve gained some trust. While I know this is sound advice and I usually follow it myself, I do remember one major incident where I tripped over this one.
I had been working in couple of different functional areas for a Fortune 200 company. An internal candidate had recently been promoted to VP of HR and with the recommendation of a few other corporate leaders, I was making an effort to get acquainted. During one of my first conversations with her she asked if I had any feedback for her, knowing that I had been working in the company for a while and knew of her in her previous role.
I remembered distinctly that I had this little twinge of doubt before I answered. Let me take the time and space right here to say “Always pay attention to that little twinge of doubt!”
When she made the initial request for feedback I came back with some general platitudes about working into the new position even though she was a known quantity in the corporation. She pressed for more.
While my twinge was turning into more of a twitch, she pursued with what felt like genuine sincerity about wanting feedback. So, in spite of that twitch now turning into a pit, I shared a couple of things that I had observed about her leadership skills. In all honesty I didn’t really think they were that much of an unknown to her and I also didn’t believe they were particularly harsh and damaging. But, you can see the rest of the story coming. The look on her face sent a very firm message that she didn’t care for that feedback and the meeting quickly ended.
My entire worth when working with a client is being able to share feedback with clients and I’ve discussed much more damaging feedback than I actually shared at that moment. But, I ALWAYS develop trust with my client first before sharing meaningful feedback. Well, almost always.
Always build trust first. No matter which end of the spectrum you’re on, always build the trust first before bringing in too much candor.