Ron’s Short Review: I think Bill takes the lessons from Strength Finders and puts them into a very practical format for taking your natural strengths and getting better at them but not allowing them to get in the way.
How much does your point of view affect the conversation?
Joshua Spodek, author of Leadership Step by Step was about to interview me for a podcast episode on his website. Or so I thought.
Josh and I had spoken a few times and I had recently read his book. Josh is good at putting together his own podcast on his website and I wanted to learn. But after a few minutes into our conversation with Josh asking me what I wanted to talk about and me asking him about how he would like to conduct the interview, we both realized we had made different assumptions. Josh thought I wanted to learn by conducting an interview with him. I assumed he would conduct an interview with me and I would learn from the experience.
But, those misaligned assumptions left both of us thinking about where this thing was going and what was wrong with the other person. When we both realized what was happening we had a good laugh and even told some stories of previous experiences of misaligned assumptions. It ended well because both of us had a desire for it to work and both appreciated the value that the other person brought to the conversations. Business meetings don’t always go that well.
The assumptions we start with shape our understanding of the conversation.
What’s the point of your point of view?
- Defend your position?
- Win the argument?
- Gain power over the other person (your victim)?
Or
- Learn?
- Listen?
- Share your assumptions so that we can build a new outlook together?
When you finally realize that your assumptions are just that, assumptions, you then have a fighting chance for something good to emerge.
Each person is so unique in their background, experience, education, learning method and any number of variables, you should naturally assume each person will have a different assumption on a given topic. All of them valid.
The validity of assumptions is a complicated topic and is tied up in the complexity of assumptions. What makes an assumption valid for you?
- Facts, logic?
- A good feel for correctness?
- Conceptually valid?
- Promotes good will?
- Maintains relationships?
All these reasons are valid. But only one may be valid for you. That’s OK unless you begin to assume that your judgment of validity is the only valid approach. Then you’re dead wrong. All assumptions are valid for the person who holds them. Our job as leaders and team members is to listen to and understand the diversity of assumptions and then build a team view that will create team commitment.
If the point of your assumptions isn’t to build toward a joint, collaborative team assumption and commitment, then you’re just poking people in the eye with a sharp stick.
Years ago, I named my company Team Leadership Culture. To me, that described exactly what needs to happen in corporations to get things humming.
- Building great teams is the foundation to success
- Developing Leaders to grow and direct the teams and create more great leaders
- Both lead to a culture that will sustain the success over the ups and downs of daily business
Without the trust and respect that it takes to build teams, you never develop great leaders and have no hope of creating a positive culture.
Decades ago, Alvin Toffler wrote an amazing book titled Future Shock. Wikipedia describes the context of the book like this. “He believed the accelerated rate of technological and social change left people disconnected and suffering from “shattering stress and disorientation”—future shocked.
I’m not technology averse. In fact, quite the opposite. My grandson was laughing at me the other day as I explained how I carried my 35 pound Osborne portable computer through airports in the 80’s. I purchased my first Blackberry “smartphone” three months after they hit the market in 1999. I’ve been riding the wave of technology advancement since the day Toffler published his book.
But, with this advancement of connected technology, I’ve also seen the deterioration of teams.
Every year teams seem to become more remote and global. Without the technology available to them today they couldn’t function at all. But, the one sentence that remains stuck in my head from Toffler’s book is “High Tech. High Touch.” His point was that as technology took over, it would require even greater human connection to make it all work.
From a very practical standpoint, I have observed remote and global teams that get together face-to-face at least twice a year to talk about the human side of their team work seem to advance faster and farther than any other team.
Some teams try for more times a year and few of them make it but scheduling often makes that difficult.
Other teams either commit to twice a year and don’t make it or are so deceived by the need to accomplish “real” work while they’re together that they give insufficient time to building team. These teams never advance and often deteriorate.
A recent Wall Street Journal article really caught my attention because of this experience. “IBM, a Pioneer of Remote work, Calls Workers back to the Office.” Even though IBM has been a leader in remote work throughout this century, workers were given 30 days to decide. Move to a company-maintained office or seek employment elsewhere.
Why would the leader of remote work decide to lay down such a stark edict? High Tech. High Touch.
They had accomplished the High Tech portion of the formula. They even marketed their services as “the anytime, anywhere workforce.” But they missed the High Touch portion.
Teams simply don’t work if there is low trust. Trust makes it all work. You can’t develop trust electronically. You need to:
- Look people in the eye
- Shake their hand
- Put an arm around their shoulder
- Laugh some
- Cry some
Without High Touch, it just doesn’t work.
Are you going back to the office? IBM workers are. You should be also. At least on a regular enough basis to build Trust. It’s the foundation for all collaborative efforts.
Ron’s Short Review: Is compassion better than empathy? Bloom seems to think so and makes a really good case. Empathy will get you into trouble as much as it helps.
I like Pharrell Williams. His music is great to my ear and while I couldn’t pull off any of his fashion statements, somehow it looks really good and natural on him.
Jacob Gallagher interviewed Pharrell for The Wall Street Journal. It was titled “20 Odd Questions”. Some of them may have been odd but I found most of them interesting.
- Favorite places in the world
- Color
- Style
- Favorite art gallery
- Who would he want to work with
These were some of the questions and categories. But the one topic that jumped out for me was:
The most important life lesson I’ve learned is:
Pharrell may be one of the most recognizable people on the planet today. Fame. Fortune. Wealth. All the things that much of the world seems to be clamoring for. So, what was his answer?
Humility.
“The importance of humility. You want to shine but not so bright that you burn everything in the room. As long as you’ve got your light, people will see you and it’s all good.”
He expresses a clear understanding of humility. It doesn’t mean to stay in the background. “You want to shine…”
It doesn’t mean that you don’t lead the way. “You’ve got your light…”
The original meaning of the word means complete power under control. “Not so bright that you burn everything in the room.”
Humble leaders shine. They light the way. People know who they are and what they stand for. They just don’t burn out everything (and everyone) in the room. Others shine brighter in their presence.
Are people basking in your light or putting on dark sunglasses to keep from burning out their eyes? Be a light. Don’t be a torch.
I named my company Team Leadership Culture because those were the three elements that made a company great. You can think of those three elements as a triangle: Team and leadership at the base of the triangle, culture at the top. If you have not taken the time to build great teams and great leaders, a great culture is not going to develop.
Team is the most important. With a great team, lots of wonderful things can happen, sometimes even with mediocre leadership. However, great leadership without a good team almost always fails.
Teams can be easier to build than great leaders. Many times, out of peer pressure or for other reasons, members of the team will at least fake good teamwork for a period, knowing its expected. Often, even if it is fake, other team members take advantage to accomplish some great team performance. The old adage “fake it until you make it” works well also.
Teams we can built. Leadership is a little more difficult. The book A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver DeMille explains our education system by describing how it was originally formed. During the foundation of this country, great leaders were formed through a series of mentors, tutors, and subject matter experts spending personal time with individuals to help them develop their leadership skills. We had trade schools to help people become good craftsmen. Becoming a good butcher, baker or candlestick maker (carpenters, millwrights, blacksmith’s, etc.) happened through trade schools. Good livings could be made by learning a trade.
DeMille, by tracing the history demonstrates that our colleges, universities, and MBA programs of today are the natural extensions of those original craft/trade schools and apprenticeship programs. As people earn their MBA, they’re becoming great craftsman. In the language of business today, they’re learning the skills of management.
However, leadership is an art, not a skill. It still takes mentors, tutors, and subject matter experts spending personal time with individuals to help them develop their leadership skills.
But, the title of this blog post is about culture, not leadership. Why can’t you fix culture? Because culture develops out of great team work and leadership. Without the base of teams and leadership, culture can never sit at the top of the triangle.
If the culture of the company is not where it needs to be, taking a survey to “fix” the culture will never work. If a human being has lost their balance, running them through a test to see how their balance has improved or deteriorated every few months does nothing to fix the problem. The doctor will check to see if it’s a skeletal/muscular issue (team) or an inner ear sensing issue (leadership) first. After working on one or both of those, only then will the balance be rechecked.
Culture, like balance, can’t be fixed. Only the underlying, foundational issues can be fixed.
Is there a surefire, can’t-fail approach to mentoring effectively in an organizational setting? Probably not. But that should not come as a surprise because, after all, we are talking about relationships between people. However, here are some ideas, principles, and goals that will help illumine your path to a satisfying and successful mentoring experience.
1.Be an encourager
Encouragement is one of the mentor’s most powerful tools for leading another person to higher levels of personal growth. The Greek word for encouragement means “coming alongside.” This means helping another person by being right there, offering whatever assistance is required.
All of us need encouragement—a word from somebody who believes in us, stands by us, and reassures us. Encouragement renews our courage, refreshes our spirits, and rekindles our hope. Encouragement goes beyond appreciation to affirmation; we appreciate what a person does, but we affirm who a person is. Affirmation does not insist on a particular level of performance, and it is not earned.
Based on our observation, we do offer one caution related to the issue of encouragement: Many leaders themselves appear to have a low need for personal affirmation and approval and therefore have difficulty understanding the need to encourage and affirm others. If this describes you, you will need to train yourself to give what may feel like over-encouragement to others.
2.Be patient
Mentoring requires a good amount of patience from both parties. The endurance factor is quite important when the person with whom a mentor is working reacts with what might be considered a silly response (in words or actions). It takes patience to watch someone grow and develop into a better person. It takes patience to see missteps and not immediately go in and either change the behavior or solve the problem.
3. Be trustworthy
As a mentor you must exhibit integrity. The person you are mentoring will be open and vulnerable only after watching you live a consistently ethical life. Trustworthiness means being reliable, faithful, and unfailing. Trustworthy leaders are honest and transparent, committed, dedicated, and keep promises and confidences. They also have the moral courage to do the right thing and to stand up for what they believe even when it is difficult to do so.
The opportunity to mentor exists in every setting where people need to draw on one another’s talents to accomplish a goal.
We discussed last week that one of the hallmarks of a long-term mentoring relationship is the intentional vulnerability that develops between two people. This means they can easily strip away the outside masks and get down to the issues (both personal and business) that need attention. This kind of openness and willingness to share the truth is a quality found in effective leaders. They refuse to let pride get in the way of open communication that will encourage and assist others and advance the cause of the organization.
If the characteristics of a solid mentoring relationship remind you of a good friendship, you are right. Research data and our experience indicate that, more often than not, mentoring relationships grow over time into lasting friendships.
But if a mentoring relationship is to thrive, men in particular must overcome an issue that many of them struggle with: It’s hard for men to be vulnerable with one another, especially in the work environment. In his book The Friendless American Male, David Smith writes:
Men find it hard to accept that they need the fellowship of other men. The simple request, “Let’s have lunch together” is likely to be followed with the response, “Sure, what’s up?” The message is clear: the independent man doesn’t need the company of another man. In fact, the image of the independent man is that he has few if any emotional needs. Therefore, men must manufacture reasons for being together—a business deal must be discussed or a game must be played. Men often use drinking as an excuse to gather together. Rarely do men plan a meeting together simply because they have a need to enjoy each other’s company.
Even when men are frequently together their social interaction begins and remains at the superficial level. Just how long can conversations about politics and sports be nourishing to the human spirit? The same male employees can have lunch together for years and years and still limit their conversation to sports, politics, dirty jokes and comments about the sexual attractiveness of selected female workers in their office or plant. They do not know how to fellowship.
Getting beyond such superficiality takes effort, and at least in the early stages of their relationship, a mentor will have to model appropriate vulnerability to build trust with the protégé. Once the walls start coming down, the process will accelerate and the rewards will be great for both partners. Real issues will be addressed so that genuine personal and organizational growth and change may occur.
What about mentoring involving women? Are their needs and challenges different? Research from Bernice R. Sandler, senior scholar at the Women’s Research and Education Institute, says that “at least one study has shown that male mentors were more likely to direct their female protegees and therefore to be disappointed if they [the protegees] did not follow their advice. The study found, in contrast, that female mentors were more likely to encourage and affirm their protegees’ career choices; they apparently had less emotional investment in having their protegees follow in their footsteps. Also, male mentors may be largely work focused and ignore personal issues that affect those with whom they are working, while women mentors often show interest in both the personal and professional lives of their students.”
My own experience has revealed that most women prefer a coach from outside their company. While they often would not mind having a male coach, the concerns about sexual overtones and misunderstood motives are often too high to make this a comfortable arrangement. Mentoring the opposite sex (either men mentoring women or women mentoring men) presents challenges, and certainly, if any sexual overtones develop, they need to be confronted and the relationship discontinued.
The right mentee paired with the right mentor leads to those in the relationship feeling appreciated, supported, empowered, and fully equipped to complete their tasks.
Mile markers
While visiting the middle east I observed some of the stone mile markers left by the Romans when they were mapping out and connecting the known world.
Physical mile markers are one thing. Life mile markers are even more fascinating.
The interesting thing about life mile markers is that when you look back, many of them are now clear when they were totaling confusing at the time. And, the more life you’ve experienced the more mile markers exist.
The first mile marker of my career appears around the age of 12. My grandfather taught me how to survey and I worked with him and my cousin as we did the layout work for a subdivision. That marker started me down a path to my engineering degree.
After ten years in the engineering business, I hit another mile marker. I say my first microcomputer. That mile marker may seem obvious now but at the time no one knew Apple or Microsoft and the IBM PC was yet to be invented. But that mile marker headed me down another decade in the software industry.
There had been other mile markers along the way that lead me to depart the software industry and step into the Leadership Development Consulting business where I have spent my time and talents over more than two decades. But that mile marker had nowhere near the clarity of the first two. It wasn’t very long after starting the business when I reached the point of no money, no clients, and no prospects. As my wife and I faced this moment that felt like complete failure she asked me “Are you suppose to be doing something else?” My answer was very clear to me. No! I felt I had been called to this work. It was what I was supposed to do! After this rough start, my career began to get on track and I’ve enjoyed years of satisfaction.
Half Time
Some years after that moment the framework and model that explained it all was identified by Bob Bufford in his book Half Time. Bob’s book identified a pattern of survival, success, significance. That pattern immediately made sense to me and the mile markers were then much clearer. I can’t count the number of clients that I’ve helped understand this concept. By all measures, they were being incredibility successful but seemed to be missing something in their lives. They needed to move from success to significance.
Dean Niewolny, now CEO of Halftime Institute, tells a personal journey from success to significance in his newly published book Trade Up. In the book, Dean reaches that moment when all the success in the world doesn’t satisfy. It requires moving beyond success to significance. In his journey, he shares some steps along the way that, looking back along his mile markers, have become clear to him. His sharing of those steps may help you find your path to significance.
Check it out. Trade Up: How to move from just making money to making a difference by Dean Niewolny.
Ron’s Short Review: The word “Decide” actually means to figure out what you’re going to say “No” to. This book helps you figure out how to do a great job saying No.
What image comes to mind when you think of the term mentor?
You might picture two people sitting at a table in a restaurant, the older person, his or her head topped with waves of shimmering, gray hair, waxing eloquent while the younger listener is furiously scribbling notes on a legal pad. Although this scene may warm our hearts, it seems just a bit out of sync with the real world.
I would like to offer an alternative image of mentoring: Picture two people sitting across from each other in an office. Obviously, an important project is under discussion. The interaction is animated, intense, and often humorous. These people obviously know each other well. Speech is direct and honest. Mutual respect is readily apparent. Some coaching is occurring, but the protégé is not restrained in sharing some insights on the performance of the mentor as well. This relationship is built on trust.
With this picture in mind, we like to define mentoring as a long-term, mutually supportive and enhancing relationship rather than as a relationship in which a highly advanced human being tutors another who stands a step or two below him or her on the developmental ladder.
A successful mentoring experience does require a significant prerequisite: a quality person to mentor. A leader who hopes to succeed in mentoring must first hire great people. Too often, executives devote too little time to the hiring process. No wonder that down the road the mentoring of a poorly qualified employee resembles corrective discipline more than a shared growth experience.
Assuming the right persons are in the right jobs, a leader must then do everything possible to help those people feel appreciated, supported, empowered, and fully equipped to complete their tasks. In addition, a leader needs to help the other person understand that success is not just “making the numbers” (competency) but includes developing character as well.
A good mentoring experience also requires longevity. The leader and the protégé need to stay at it long enough for the relationship to bear mature fruit.
In the late nineties I was talking to the CEO with whom I had been working for about four years. As we were chatting comfortably at the end of a session, he said to me, “Ron, all of the work you do for us around team building, leadership development, and culture improvement is worth every penny you charge us. But your real value for me as a CEO is when we have these little chats, one on one, in these relaxing, comfortable, and trusting moments.”
At that moment I began to realize that the aspect of the business I found most enjoyable—talking openly and honestly with the leaders I worked with—was also the aspect they experienced as most valuable. Since that time a sizable percentage of my consulting business comes from personally coaching and mentoring business leaders.
During these moments of honest interaction, leaders are able to talk with me about personal doubts, concerns over the performance of another individual, and innovative ways to tackle new situations. We can do trial run-throughs of an upcoming presentation, a conference call, or a one-on-one meeting with a boss or colleague. Almost anything that is critical to their performance is open to discussion in this relaxed environment. Even personal situations and career decisions are fair game. The mentoring or coaching role is mainly about creating a safe environment to discuss any topic.
One of the hallmarks of a long-term mentoring relationship is the intentional communication that will encourage and assist others and advance the cause of the organization.
I never could decide what to title this blog post:
- The Chicken or the egg: Which came first?
- Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. – Albert Einstein
- Culture eats Strategy for Breakfast – Peter Drucker (attributed)
With one of my clients (but certainly not just one) we had just concluded our third Culture Survey over a span of about four years. And the results continued to decline. Every year, the culture results were worse than the previous year and every year the reaction by the leadership was the same “Let’s take the survey again next year. We’re sure the results will improve.” Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. – Albert Einstein
I thought I had my title. But wait, there’s more.
When I suggested that we need to spend some time on the leadership issues that are causing the culture results to drop year-over-year, the answer I received was “We’ll get to that soon but right now we need to dedicate our (precious) leadership time to developing our long-term strategy.” “Culture eats Strategy for Breakfast” – Peter Drucker
Once again, I thought I had my title. But wait, there’s still more.
When I pressed the issue that culture work needs to come first, the answer I received “Look, good cultures are the results of good performance. If we get our long-term strategy right and executed we’ll have great financial results and everyone will think the culture is great.” The Chicken or the egg: which came first?
And there’s the third title for this post.
Which does come first? When I first met Dan Denison, he had recently published “Corporate Culture and Organizational Effectiveness.” Since then the Denison Consulting Group has continued to grow and refine their Denison Organizational Culture Survey (DOCS). Recently Forbes Magazine wrote an article about research done a few years ago and published in the Journal of Organizational Behavior. Results from cross-lagged panel analyses (survey speak 😉 indicate that culture “comes first,” consistently predicting subsequent ratings of customer satisfaction and sales.
Culture comes first. Culture eats Strategy for Breakfast. Stop pushing for better results and ignoring the culture.
The purpose of leading a company is to build great teams that allow the best in everyone to rise to the top, grow as leaders and grow other great leaders and to create a culture that inspires innovation, contribution, and drive. Team, Leadership, and Culture. Focusing on results first doesn’t work. Results happen because of great people thriving in great cultures.
