I’m continuing my series on an in-depth look at a wonderful little book that’s twenty years old this year. The title is Management of the Absurd by Richard Farson. You may want to consider dropping back and reading the previous posts about ABSURD! I think it will put each new one in great context.
In Communication, Form is More Important Then Content
I often find myself working with teams on difficult issues.
- There may be conflict or unresolved issues.
- Someone is not performing and it’s impacting the performance of the entire team.
- The leader just isn’t listening to the concern or even opportunity that the team is seeing.
- The leader isn’t dealing with a person who’s in over their head.
- The list goes on…..
Our author of Management of the Absurd makes a couple of key observations:
When we witness a red-faced executive shouting, “Who’s excited? I’m not excited!” we realize that the feeling is much more important than the words. That’s why in all communication it’s crucial to listen to the music as well as the lyrics, the feeling behind the words as well as the words themselves.
And
In all of life, the metamessage tends to be more powerful than the message itself.
I think we all know that on an intellectual basis. But what do we do about it? I’ve found one simple adjustment that makes a profound difference…. remove the table!
Yup, that’s the one thing that I have experienced that helps me deal with difficult issues, remove the table. As soon as I set a team down in a circle with nothing but chairs, the mood immediately changes. I often get those nervous comments like “Boy, are we in trouble now.” Or “This certainly makes me feel a little vulnerable (or naked).” People seem to immediately know that this is different. The table offers us a shield. Position at the table has connotations. I can slip my phone over the edge of the table and no one will know I’m checking email (Ha!). Sitting in open chairs levels the playing field. It exposes all of our body language. We can’t hide. We need to be REAL with each other.
I’ve experienced some of the deepest sharing and resolution of many deep issues when we work without the net of a table between us. All of a sudden people are listening more with an intent to understand rather than respond. I will often hear comments like “Now I understand”, “I never knew that” or “I can see why you would believe that.”
Our author closes this section with the statement “All of this teaches us that we may be so concerned about the content of what we say or write that we often forget the form. When they are taken into account, it is possible to send metamessages that are consonant with the intended message and reinforce rather than undermine it.”
The metamessage counts more than the content. Take the table away. Even in a figuratively sense. When you’re dealing with difficult issues and send that email or leave that voicemail, leave the metamessage, not just the content.
So, how do you remove the table when the team meeting is being conducted via a phone or video conference? Sorry, that one will have to wait for a future blog.