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Compassion

BlogTrust Me

What Does Spontaneous Compassion Look Like?

by Ron Potter

We recently discussed that compassion can involve challenging others to attain high-quality results on projects that stretch them. Compassion is also a compelling conviction to care enough to become involved and help others by taking some action that will improve their lives or set them on a fresh course. Effective leaders act spontaneously with a true heart of compassion, caring for the person regardless of the consequences.

So what does that look like?

I observed a great instance of this very thing with a client. I was preparing for a webcast. While setting up the presentation, the IT expert helping set up the equipment and handling the technical details received a telephone call from one of his employees who was troubleshooting at another location. I learned that this employee was working on a crisis situation of great importance to her company.

Hearing just half of his conversation, I picked up that she was reporting on her progress in solving the problem. Later, when my technical helper gave me the details of the conversation, I learned that almost in passing she mentioned, “I have to check on my father. I think he had a heart attack or stroke or something.”

The man interrupted the conversation right then and said bluntly, “You need to go to your father.” He didn’t even ask, “Do you need to go to your father?” He just said, “You need to go to your father.”

The employee protested, “No, I’m not going to go until this is fixed.” Her boss just kept saying, “Get off the phone, get on a plane, and go to your father.”

I knew that this man might get into trouble for making that kind of decision; his employee was trying to solve a serious problem. But he insisted, and she went home.

I reached several conclusions from this leader’s act of spontaneous compassion: First, this woman will be one of his most loyal and productive employees from now on. Second, he did the right thing even though painful consequences might follow. A trusted leader acts like that. Finally, he showed a true heart of compassion. He decided to care for the person. In that moment when he had to make a choice, he understood and responded to the needs of the person, not just a valued cog in the company machine.

That’s what compassion is all about.

Heart of Compassion quote
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BlogCaring in ActionTrust Me

Caring in Action: Challenge

by Ron Potter

Caring becomes real to another person only when some action occurs. I believe that communication, confrontation, and challenge are three of the best ways a leader puts “feet” to true caring.

Over the past few weeks, we’ve unpacked each of these aspects of caring and will conclude this week with challenge.

Challenge

An often overlooked aspect of compassion is the desire to help a person grow. Compassion includes challenging others to attain high-quality results on projects that stretch them. People need challenge in their lives, and leaders need to help their employees see the value of it not only for their own well-being but for the well-being of the organization as well.

This concept often reminds me of a story my co-writer Wayne would tell. Some years ago, he was asked to tackle an impossible task. He assumed leadership for a company division that had underperformed for several years. He inherited a group of salespeople whose only motivation was retirement. In addition, the division was overstocked with wrong inventory, and customer complaints were stacked high.

He rolled up my sleeves and began working to pull the department together. The first goal was the sales team. Together they worked out some new incentive programs and some additional benefits if sales quotas were met. Then they turned our attention to the customers, and, one by one, they solved their problems, creating a renewed commitment to service within the division. Next came sales and marketing strategies. With the team’s help, they launched a new marketing campaign that began to increase sales. They aggressively sold off the old inventory and partnered with a supplier to provide them with fresh stock from his facility. They were on a roll!

In three months sales and profits were up, and the crew (all but one stayed with the program) was happy and productive.

One day Wayne’s boss put his arm around his shoulders and asked him if he was aware that he had accomplished what many thought was impossible. His boss asked him what he had learned from the experience and told Wayne, “I’m sorry for all the extra work the last few months. I hope you understand—I did this to help you grow into a better manager.”

This man challenged Wayne to be better. His desire was to help him grow by throwing him into the middle of an almost impossible situation. Sure, the company prospered, but his goal also included Wayne’s personal growth and development.

How have you been challenged to grow? How might you challenge those who report to you to grow?

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BlogCaring in ActionTrust Me

Caring in Action: Confrontation

by Ron Potter

Caring becomes real to another person only when some action occurs. I believe that communication, confrontation, and challenge are three of the best ways a leader puts “feet” to true caring.

Over the next few weeks, we’ll unpack each of these aspects of caring and will continue this week with confrontation.

Confrontation

Confrontation does not involve giving a report on another person’s behavior. It means offering feedback on the other’s role or response. Its goal, in the business environment, is to bring the employee, boss, or peer face to face with issues (behavior, emotions, achievement) that are being avoided.

For us to be effective in confrontation, we need to focus on four things:

Balanced truth

You cannot confront someone on hearsay alone. Get the facts. Investigate the matter; check it out. There are always two sides to every story. What are they? Neither one is likely to be the “complete” truth. Look for the balanced story.

Right timing

I once witnessed a near catastrophe. A client of ours was going to confront a customer. The customer had called the day before and verbally leveled several people on our friend’s staff. My client was going to call the customer and confront him with some brutal truth: “Everyone in the office is afraid of you and doesn’t want to talk to you because of your aggressive style and attitude.” Just before our client was to make the call, someone in the office discovered that the customer’s wife had colon cancer and possibly multiple sclerosis. The customer was suffering right along with his wife, in addition to trying to be both Dad and Mom to the kids, coaching a sports team, and running a tough business. Instead of calling to confront the customer with the brutal facts, our client decided to confront him with care and sympathy.

Many situations will not be this clear-cut. The right timing may be harder to gauge. For sure, though, it is best to deal with a situation when the heat of the moment has passed. Having the courage and taking the time to come back to it after emotions have subsided is actually quite difficult. There never seems to be the same urgency later, but good leaders force themselves to pick up the issue at a better moment. When it is the right time to confront, the green lights will be flashing. Until then, hold on.

Wise wording

I suggest that you carefully plan what you will say when you confront someone. A proverb says, “Timely advice is as lovely as golden apples in a silver basket. Valid criticism is as treasured by the one who heeds it as jewelry made from finest gold.” Words have the power to destroy or heal. Choose them carefully when confronting.

Fearless courage

Don’t fall back in fear when you need to confront someone. If you have assembled the truth, believe it is the right moment, and have carefully prepared what you will say, move forward and confront. As Roger Clemens did with Curt Schilling, press on: “How can I help this person be better, regardless of how I feel?” It may mean finding a more productive or satisfying place for the person—even if it’s with another company. In the end this option is better for the organization and, in most cases, for the other person. What is worse is allowing a person to continue in a harmful behavior or self-destructive attitude.

Next week we’ll continue our discussion by unpacking caring through challenge.

Confrontation Quote

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Gauging Understanding
BlogCulture

Qualities That Demonstrate Caring: Understanding

by Ron Potter

We need to be acutely aware of other people’s needs, focus, dreams, and abilities before we can help them achieve.

For years the late cartoonist Charles Schulz delighted us as his Peanuts characters Charlie Brown, Linus, and even Snoopy provided a window into the complex (and funny) realm of human relations.

Lucy, the extroverted big sister of Linus, was no exception. Her love affair with the Beethoven-loving Schroeder is legendary. Often we see Lucy stretched out by Schroeder’s piano, watching him with longing eyes. Or she is asking a question or demanding his attention in some other way. Schroeder is oblivious to Lucy, so she tries harder and harder to win his heart. In the end, nothing works. Lucy usually loses her temper and pouts, once again the frustrated lover.

What Lucy never gets is how a change in her approach might improve her chances at winning Schroeder’s attention. Lucy’s entire focus is on her needs, not Schroeder’s. Every attempt to secure the heart of the piano genius is from her perspective, not his. Her compassion is entirely self-focused and has little or nothing to do with him and his needs. No matter how bold or romantic she is, Lucy never gets close to Schroeder because she never learns to first understand him.

Increased understanding of others usually leads to better relationships. Our frame of reference becomes their needs, not our own. It becomes a habit to seek to understand our bosses, our direct-reports, and our peers. This understanding is not developed for manipulative purposes. It is an attempt to help people grow and develop by first seeking to understand them—their motives, needs, and styles. Once we understand others and their individual preferences, we can better communicate with them, train them, and lead them.

Abraham Lincoln was a master at this. In 1864 the New York Herald explained how Lincoln was able to overcome the difficulties of guiding the nation during the Civil War—“Plain common sense, a kindly disposition, a straight forward purpose, and a shrewd perception of the ins and outs of poor, weak human nature.”

Lincoln was a master at getting out to meet and know the people—from generals to office workers: “Lincoln gained commitment and respect from his people because he was willing to take time out from his busy schedule to hear what his people had to say.” From this information, Lincoln came to understand his people. From this understanding, he motivated them, challenged them, and moved them to achieve.

It is always interesting, upon entering an airplane, to look into the cockpit and see all those dials and gauges. Each one has a purpose. Many help properly guide the aircraft to its final destination. If the pilots don’t monitor the right instruments, they won’t have a clear picture of the flight, where they are going, how fast they are traveling, how high they are flying, or even if the craft is right side up.

Similarly, if we do not read all the “gauges” of other people, we will be forced to guess what their behavior and words really mean. Learning to read gauges gives you the ability to understand and respond to others based on their needs and frames of reference.

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BlogTrust Me

The Rewards of You-First Leadership

by Ron Potter

photo-1458242462449-7b6697b7caefAre you the kind of person who believes in the “fixed pie” view of the world? “There is only so much pie to go around, so if I don’t get mine first, there won’t be any left after everyone takes theirs.” Or do you believe in an expanding pie? “If we all do a great job, there will be more than enough to go around for all of us.” “You first.”

A “you-first” leadership style goes beyond humility. Humility says, “I’m no better than you; we are equally important.” A “you-first” attitude puts the other person out front.

Becoming a “you-first” leader may sound a bit like career suicide. Isn’t this just another way to get trampled while climbing the corporate ladder? While this can happen, there are actually great personal and professional rewards awaiting the person intent on taking care of the needs of others first. In the long run compassion, like humility, will be an asset that will propel you into being an admired leader, one whom others will follow. It will also provide you with a great deal of personal satisfaction and delight.

Having a “you-first” attitude will result in a new and better personal leadership paradigm. Instead of viewing employees and others as those in need of control and reshaping, you will move toward becoming a coach who provides people with honest feedback. You will create a safe environment in which people are free to share honestly about your programs, ideas, vision, and initiatives.

Another way to look at yourself and develop good habits is to examine whether you act as an old-style boss, or whether your actions (not intentions, but real actions) are directed toward empowering others.

Though simple in concept, being a leader who puts his or her people first is difficult to put into practice. It takes time, energy, commitment, patience, and a host of other self-sacrificing qualities. That’s the price. However, putting others first does work. This way of showing compassion will create an environment where top performance is possible. And you will experience great personal satisfaction as you watch people grow, learn, stretch, and become “you-first” leaders themselves.

My hope is that you will embark on this journey of putting others first. It may take a lifetime to get this “right,” but you will never regret it.

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BlogTrust Me

You First

by Ron Potter

photo-1444076295597-e246c794dc5fCompassion is not easy or cheap. A leader who sincerely seeks to understand and care for others will pay a price. But the rewards are satisfying and great.

This post will examine compassion from the perspective of a “you-first” leader—the man or woman whose focus is on responding to the needs of employees, customers, and community before his or her own needs.

I urge you to be to be a person and leader known for radical acts of compassion. Here’s an incredible example:

It was 1944, and Bert Frizen was an infantryman on the front lines in Europe. American forces had advanced in the face of intermittent shelling and small-arms fire throughout the morning hours, but now all was quiet. His patrol reached the edge of a wooded area with an open field before them. Unknown to the Americans, a battery of Germans waited in a hedgerow about two hundred yards across the field.

Bert was one of two scouts who moved out into the clearing. Once he was halfway across the field, the remainder of his battalion followed. Suddenly, the Germans opened fire, and machine gun fire ripped into both of Bert’s legs. The American battalion withdrew into the woods for protection, while a rapid exchange of fire continued.

Bert lay helplessly in a small stream as shots volleyed overhead. There seemed to be no way out. To make matters worse, he now noticed that a German soldier was crawling toward him. Death appeared imminent; he closed his eyes and waited. To his surprise, a considerable period passed without the expected attack, so he ventured opening his eyes again. He was startled to see the German kneeling at his side, smiling. He then noticed that the shooting had stopped. Troops from both sides of the battlefield watched anxiously. Without any verbal exchange, this mysterious German reached down to lift Bert in his arms and proceeded to carry him to the safety of Bert’s comrades.

Having accomplished his self-appointed mission, and still without speaking a word, the German soldier turned and walked back across the field to his own troop. No one dared break the silence of this sacred moment. Moments later the cease-fire ended, but not before all those present had witnessed how one man risked everything for his enemy.

 

How would your business, your family, your community—our world—be better if more of these radical acts of compassion occurred on a daily basis?

An entire, well-established management perspective called the Servant-Leader has evolved from this concept of service to others. Robert K. Greenleaf of AT&T first used the term servant leadership in an early essay.

This is a very counterintuitive notion in a day when competition is fierce in nearly every area of life. You can’t “look out for number 1” and say “you first” at the same time. So then how do we learn to put others first?

Over the following weeks, we’ll be taking a deeper look at being a “You-First” leader through the Trust Me posts. Tune back in and join the discussion and share with your friends.

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BlogQualities of a Caring LeaderTrust Me

Qualities of a Caring Leader: Spontaneous Compassion

by Ron Potter

photo-1447619297994-b829cc1ab44aOver the next few weeks, our Trust Me posts will explore the qualities of a caring leader. We explored the first quality – Understanding here. Then we took a look at the second quality – Concern. Communication was the third quality. Then we discussed Confrontation. Today we look at Compassion.

I observed a wonderful incident of compassion once while preparing a webcast for a client. The man helping set up the equipment and handling the technical details received a telephone call from one of his employees who was troubleshooting at another location. My writing partner Wayne and I learned that this employee was working on a crisis situation of great importance to her company.

Hearing just half of his conversation, we picked up that she was reporting on her progress in solving the problem. Later, when our technical helper gave us the details of the conversation, we learned that almost in passing she mentioned, “I have to check on my father. I think he had a heart attack or stroke or something.”

Our man interrupted the conversation right then and said bluntly, “You need to go to your father.” He didn’t even ask, “Do you need to go to your father?” He just said, “You need to go to your father.”

The employee protested, “No, I’m not going to go until this is fixed.” Her boss just kept saying, “Get off the phone, get on a plane, and go to your father.”

We knew that this man might get into trouble for making that kind of decision; his employee was trying to solve a serious problem. But he insisted, and she went home.

We reach several conclusions from this leader’s act of spontaneous compassion: First, this woman will be one of his most loyal and productive employees from now on. Second, he did the right thing even though painful consequences might follow. A trusted leader acts like that. Finally, he showed a true heart of compassion. He decided to care for the person. In that moment when he had to make a choice, he understood and responded to the needs of the person, not just a valued cog in the company machine.

That’s what compassion is all about.

Compassion is a compelling conviction to care enough to become involved and help others by taking some action that will improve their lives or set them on a fresh course.

Team Leadership Culture Meme 6

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BlogCulture

Engagement Surveys

by Ron Potter

photo-1452690700222-8a2a1a109f4cHow Engaged are Your Employees?

Most of my clients are engaged in some sort of engagement survey (pun intended).  The Gallup organization (which may have started this whole movement with their surveys) keeps a running percentage of “engaged” employees on their web site, currently sitting at 34.2%.  You mean that only a third of our employees are engaged at work?  How could our companies possibly survive (at least for long) with a figure that low?

Well, part of the problem is that’s the wrong question.  AON Hewitt did a nice job of grappling with this issue.  In an article titled “What makes someone an engaging leader?” they explain that the two don’t necessarily go together.  The most sustained approach is to push for both financial performance and employee engagement.

Based on conversations I’m having with almost every client, this need for both profitability and employee engagement, mainly leading to innovative ideas to deal with major disruptions, is ongoing and impactful.

AON Hewitt continues the conversation by listing the attributes that create engaging leaders.

  • Self-Confidence
  • Humility
  • Compassion
  • Connectedness

Self-Confidence

I’m going to connect and contrast this one with Humility which is next on the list.  Most people would look at those two works and say “Aren’t we dealing with an oxymoron?  How can you be self-confident and humble at the same time?”  I don’t mean to put words in the mouths of the AON Hewitt people because I believe they could defend their choice of words very effectively.  But for clarification purposes let me use the word self-esteem.  I have found though the years that it takes a lot of self-esteem to be humble.  The idea is that you are very comfortable with who you are and why you’re there.  Maslow in his hierarchy of needs would likely refer to this as self-actualized.  It reminds me of a commercial with several recognizable athletes doing silly things and ending the commercial with the words.  I’m so-and-so and I’m very comfortable in my skin.  People who don’t seem to have a reasonable level of self-esteem have difficulty being humble because they always have a need to prove themselves (to themselves mostly).

Compassion

When we first included Compassion as one of the eight essential elements of great leadership as described in our book “Trust Me: Developing a leadership style that people will follow” I took a little grief from my hard-nosed executives.  After listening to them about how they had to be tough not compassionate I always ended the conversation with the old adage “I don’t care how much you know until I know how much you care.”  If you want people to care about what you know, let them know that you care about who they are.

Connectedness

This word seems to be synonymous with the word Team.  Building a great team connecting strong people for a single purpose.

My conclusion is that if you want engaged employees, learn to be a humble leader, create great teams, accomplish your collective purpose.  All people want to be engaged in doing something worthwhile.

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BlogTrust Me

“I Care”

by Ron Potter

Source: Leticia Bertin, Creative Commons

Source: Leticia Bertin, Creative Commons

One day a student asked anthropologist Margaret Mead for the earliest sign of civilization in a given culture. He expected the answer to be a clay pot or perhaps a fishhook or grinding stone. Her answer was “a healed femur.” Mead explained that no healed femurs are found where the law of the jungle, the survival of the fittest, reigns. A healed femur shows that someone cared. Someone had to hunt and gather for the injured person until the leg healed. That caring evidence of compassion, according to Mead, is the first sign of civilization.

Great leaders demonstrate such caring. This expression is more than empathy or a heart for the needy. It is a compelling conviction to care enough to become involved and help others by taking some action that will improve their lives or set them on a fresh course.

Qualities That Demonstrate Caring

Over the next few “Trust Me” blog posts, we’ll be delving deeper into the qualities that are demonstrated by caring leaders. For today’s post, let’s get a birds eye view.

Understanding

Leaders need to be acutely aware of other people’s needs, focus, dreams, and abilities before they can help their people achieve.

Concern

The good Samaritan did not hesitate. He moved quickly, then took the time necessary to give the hurt man attention. This is sincere concern.

Caring in action

Communication, confrontation, and challenge are three of the best ways a leader puts “feet” to true caring.

  1. Communication—Get out of your office and communicate with your people. “Communication is connection.”
  2. Confrontation—This does not involve giving a report on another person’s behavior. Its goal, in the business environment, is to bring the employee, boss, or peer face to face with issues (behavior, emotions, achievement) that are being avoided.
Spontaneous Compassion

Effective leaders act spontaneously with a true heart of compassion, caring for the person regardless of the consequences.

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