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Mentoring

Papa by the Pond

by Ron Potter December 16, 2021

The Essay

This was an essay written by my granddaughter:

“Bend your knees, watch the ball, steady swing. Good Job, you hit the green.” A very influential person in my life has been my grandfather. He has taught me so many things. Through all the ups and downs of life, he has been the same Papa Bear who is always cheering me on and making me feel special. I want him to know I appreciate everything he has done in my life and even the small acts of kindness don’t go unnoticed.

My grandpa is the most kind-hearted person I know. He is always asking how I’m doing, my opinion on things, and what I’m interested in. He always wants to know about what I’ve been up to and he never gets bored when we talk. My grandpa asked me what my favorite TV show was. I said The Flash. That night he went home and started watching it. The next time I saw him he had all these questions for me about the show. He made me feel really special and like someone cared about my opinion. My grandpa has so much kindness in his heart and he shows it to everyone. He has shown me there is always a reason to be kind to someone and strive to live that way every day.

Papa Potter has had many health problems but he never lets them keep him from still investing in my life or playing golf with his friends. He takes time with everyone he cares about and makes sure they know he loves them and they are important. My grandpa makes me feel so special even with all the things going on in his life and being super tired all the time. He still takes the time to teach me to golf or just talk. He takes his time every summer to take all the grandchildren to the golf course. He lets all of us hit as many as we want and gives us pointers so we can get better. My grandpa has taught me that even with everything going on in this world, I can’t let it take up my whole life. Even if I am stressed and have multiple things going, it doesn’t need to control my life. I have to keep living and loving.

Last year, my grandpa received the Alumni of the Year award from his high school. He had to make a speech for the event and he never talked about himself. He only talked about all the people who influenced him. He always cares about others before himself. He has shown me it is really important to be humble and care for others and not be so consumed with one’s self. No one will get anywhere in life if all they care about is themselves. They won’t make life-long friends that will help them grow to become a better person. Being humble is the most important thing my grandpa has taught me.

My grandpa is an engineer and he comes up with the coolest things to do with his grandchildren. He makes the activities fun while still teaching us something important. One summer, my family and I were up north at our cabin. It is right by a little creek that we can float down. He took us to the beginning of the creek and we would stop every 50 feet and then draw the shape of the creek and write down what we saw. After we made it all the way to our cabin, we put all of our drawings together and made a map of the creek with all the bends and bridges. It was the highlight of my summer. My grandpa has a very innovative mind and puts so much energy into creating something fun for everyone.

I want to tell my grandpa I love him and thank him for everything he has done for me. He has been the most influential person in my life and I don’t know what I would do without him. He is such a kind and amazing human being. I want him to know his grandchildren appreciate everything he has done because I know we don’t tell him enough. If I could tell him anything I would tell him I love him and he is my favorite person in the world.

My grandpa has taught me too many things to count. The way he gives kindness, his drive, and his humility have all been very influential attributes in my life. He is my favorite person.

I admit I cried when I read her essay.

Mentor

However, I immediately thought about being a mentor. Many of the people that my granddaughter talks about in the alumni speech I would consider mentors. They influenced my life. They added directions to my thoughts and in many ways guided me.

Many of the things my granddaughter talks about in the essay should be considered mentoring—

Cheering another on.
Making another feel special.
Asking “How are you doing?”
Wondering “What’s your opinion on this topic?”

That is mentoring— building people up, helping them feel good about themselves and how they view the world.

Corporate Mentoring Programs

I’ve never been much of a fan of the structured mentoring programs I’ve seen at various corporations. They too often seem about the older person parceling out their “wisdom” to the younger person. They seem to be about tasks and projects, not about the value and worth of the employee. They aren’t really mentoring programs, they’re more about training programs and telling the person what and how to do things.

True mentoring programs are powerful. Pseudo mentor programs are somewhat demeaning.

Full Story

Just to give the full story here, when I told my granddaughter that I cried when I read her essay. She said “Oh good. When I tell my teacher that it will probably get me some extra credit.”

Oh well, so much for being a good mentor!

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The Good Ole Days

by Ron Potter November 18, 2021

Notice anything unusual about these medieval castle ruins? You wouldn’t unless you knew it was built in the 18th century to resemble a medieval castle constructed in the mid-five hundreds.

Why do we have this fascination with the “good ole days”?

The Good Ole Days

I was born in the late nineteen forties. So for me, the good ole days were probably the decade of the ’50s. I have fond memories of lying in the front yard at night, looking at the stars, and listening to the Tigers play baseball on my portable radio.

We lived in the country about 3 miles from town. I remember getting on my bike and riding to town and anywhere else I wanted to go.

We also lived on a piece of property with a wonderful stream running through it. I remember leaving the house with my Red Rider BB gun. On every occasion, my mother would say “don’t get wet!” And on every occasion, I would come home wet.

To me, those were the good ole days.

But they weren’t all good. I remember doing nuclear bomb drills at my school where we got under our desks. Seems ridiculous now but that was all we had at the time. My dad who had lost a leg in WWII built a new house in the early ’50s. Off one corner of the basement, he built what we knew as the “storm shelter” but as I look back today, it may have been his attempt to build a bomb shelter.

Those “good ole days” were not all good. But my memories of the good parts seem to outweigh the bad parts. Research demonstrates that our mind enhances those good moments to the point of fantasy. They were good but not as good as we remember.

The Good Ole Days were short-lived

For me, those good ole days were pretty much the 50’s. The 60’s brought the sexual and drug revolution. I didn’t understand or get involved with either. I had a family member who dropped out of college in his senior year and moved to Haight-Ashbury in San Francisco. That made no sense to me at all.

By the 70’s, I had graduated from Engineering School and was working. I enjoyed it but it was work. Not like the good ole days of being carefree.

In the ’80s I started a software company. It was a new technology and it was exciting. But still not like the good ole days.

From the ’90s on I had moved into Leadership and Team consulting and coaching. Probably the most satisfying work I could imagine but I also had to sit in an airplane seat for 4 million miles to accomplish it. Still not the good ole days.

So I began to wonder, are everyone’s “good ole days” short-lived and from an earlier part of their lives? I imagine they could come from any portion of our lives but I believe they are probably short-lived. So why this yearning for the good ole days when it was such a small portion of our lives? A Wall Street Journal article indicated that 41% of Americans believe life is worse today than 50 years ago.

Placing our Identity in the past can be both natural and useful

I must admit that much of my identity is based on my life during the ’50s. Life seemed to be simpler. Life seemed to be more about community. Life seemed to be more carefree. I would head out the back door and jump on my bike and head in almost any direction I wished. My grandchildren don’t have that kind of freedom today. It’s sad to me but I also need to remind myself that every generation has probably experienced very changes.

Leaders and Team Members

I think the lesson here is to not get too stuck in our own “good ole days”, no matter how recent or distant. I entered the workforce in the early seventies. That was less than 30 years after the end of WWII. America was rebuilding and the management approach of the day was built on a military model that many of the leaders had experienced first hand. But that model was already beginning to chafe on the young generation (me) who wanted to be more entrepreneurial and innovative and not just do what we were told to do.

After starting in traditional engineering work, I saw my first microcomputer. This was new and exciting and I wanted to be a part of it. When I told my boss that I wanted to shift out of engineering and into microcomputers his response was “what’s a microcomputer?” I said hang on, you’ll find out. In a few years, we had shifted the work that we had been doing on an IBM370 which we leased for tens of thousands of dollars per month to microcomputers that cost almost nothing in comparison.

Millennials

As I was wrapping up my 50 years in the business world, almost every leader I was working with was complaining about the millennial generation and their lack of a good work ethic. I watched that generation get excited about things and put in many hours and a lot of brainpower. They were working through something entirely new and exciting and different than any company had seen before. It’s not that they didn’t have a work ethic (good ole day thinking) but they liked tackling things in new and innovative ways. They were doing things differently, just like every generation before them.

As a leader, you need to keep an open mind and watch with curiosity and interest how the next generation is tackling things. Mentor them. Guide them. Don’t tell them they need to do things as it has always been done in the good ole days.

Learn from them. One of your jobs as a leader is to keep learning.

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Blog Leadership

Honored and Humbled

by Ron Potter August 19, 2021

This blog is personal.

Alumni of the year

I was recently honored as the Alumni of the year from my high school. I was very honored and humbled. The upbringing I had as a child doesn’t seem to be available to many people anymore. I was raised in a small rural Michigan town that was very stable. Many of my friends I knew all the way from kindergarten to high school graduation. Some of them I knew even before we started school.

One of those friends and I have occasionally wondered about what was it about our environment and upbringing that allowed us to work comfortably all over the country and world. This award forced me to get my thoughts down on paper as an answer to that question

God, Family, Friends, Mentors

As I began to collect and record my thoughts, I focused on these four elements that had made difference for me that carried me through a lifetime.

God

One summer I was attending a Christian Camp run by Bill Glass. At the time, Bill Glass was the defensive end for the Cleveland Browns. He was big and powerful, a man’s man, and had everything he needed to be a self-reliant individual. However, that week he spoke often about his total dependence on Christ being his Lord and Savior and that he would be nothing without him. His message began to sink in with me and by the end of the week, I had also accepted Christ as Savior.

On the last night of the camp, there was a great deal of singing and asking people to come forward to either declare their decisions or acknowledge that they needed to make a decision. I was in a row of about a dozen guys, standing third from the isle.

I knew I had to go forward to declare my decision but as a 14-year-old boy was struggling with the issue. Pretty soon the two guys closest to the aisle went down front. The guy to my right began nudging me saying that I needed to go down front. I kept saying that I knew I did but just needed a minute.

Finally, after one more nudge, I turned to him to tell him I knew that I did but when I turned to face him, the entire row was empty. I was the only one in the aisle! I knew right then that it wasn’t a human that was nudging me and I immediately went down front. After that my local church began to nurture me, learning more about the Lord as I grew.

Family

At the banquet were all of my siblings, one of my daughters from Tunisia (the other one was at a wedding in Colorado), and many nieces and nephews. As I looked and talked with each of them it was amazing that they all knew the Lord and were growing in him. I know that many families have difficulties and we have our share as well, but because we all know the Lord, we stay close and appreciate each other.

Friends

As I said earlier, many of my friends from high school have been my friends for my entire life. We remain amazingly close and although jobs and family took us in different directions, we still get together as often as we can. I cherish those moments and feel very blessed and loved by them. It gives me great strength.

Mentors

This one was difficult because there were so many. However, I narrowed it down to two because of time. The first one I identified was my father. I’m not sure he would have considered himself a mentor but he was to me. He had lost a leg in WWII that made his life very difficult but he never let it stop him. He started his own business that required a lot of physical effort, built his (and our) home, and raised a great family. And never once did I hear him complain!

And although he only had a high school education, he was a non-stop reader and learner. I would come home from Engineering School with a new concept I had just learned and couldn’t wait to share with him. But as soon as I did I would find out that he had been reading about the same concept and knew more about it than I did. I never could get ahead of him. The most cherished possession that I inherited was his dictionary. It is 8 x 10 in size and 8 inches thick. 8 inches thick! A dictionary.

The other mentor that came to mind for me was my high school physics teacher. There were many times when I thought he was picking on me. He would say “Potter, what’s the answer?” or “Potter, come to the board and show us how to solve this.” It just didn’t seem fair to me. Then one day I ran into him in a back hallway of our school and felt emboldened to confront him. When I asked why he seemed to be picking on me his answer was “Because you’re worth it!” He was the only high school teacher I went to visit after graduating from Engineer School.

God, Family, Friend, Mentors

As much as you might like to be, you will never be God.

Other than spouses, you can’t pick who your family will be.

That leaves friends and mentors. Cultivate friends that will tell you the truth no matter how painful that will be. Be that kind of friend to them.

Seek out mentors who will help you grow and develop. And be one yourself. Maybe it’s a friend you can mentor. Maybe it’s someone who you believe has great potential that could use your experience and care. Maybe it’s a grandchild. They look up to their grandparents whether they express it or not. Let someone else know they’re worth it!

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Blog Leadership

Is it a Wonderful Life?

by Ron Potter June 17, 2021

From the movie “It’s a wonderful life” George Bailey and his angel, Clarence.

Clarence was a wonderful gift for George. Unlike us, Clarence was able to show George what life would have been like if he had never been born.

What did George learn from that experience?

Background

Let’s take a minute to remember the overall storyline. Many of us have seen the movie at Christmas time through the years.

In the movie, George has a great yearning to travel and see the world. Right after he is married and on his way for their first adventure with his new wife, the stock market crashes. George worked for his father’s local building-and-loan business. When it was obvious that something was wrong, George abandoned his trip and went into the building-and-loan to help with the chaos. Pretty soon, George found himself stuck in the life he wanted to get away from.

Something Just Crashed and Went Wrong

Not only are we facing the changing world of Covid, as I wrote about last week, but the United States suffered the weakest growth for the ten years following the 2008 crash and recession. It seemed that we were being told by our own government “get used to it, this is the new normal”. I found myself getting depressed and worried over that attitude.

I also find myself even more worried today as I watch my grandchildren (ages 13-20) face this very scary new norm. One article I read said, “many young people have lost hope seeing their labor produce so little reward”. I consider myself very blessed in that all of my grandchildren have a good work ethic. I even mentioned to one granddaughter that I lose track that she’s only a junior (now senior) in high school because she works so hard. She seems all grown up going to school and working most afternoons and evenings.

And yet I hear her and some of her cousins speaking fondly of socialism. But as one article said, “when the rewards for working and sweating end, prosperity withers and freedom dies”.

The Gift of Clarence

In the movie, George is actually able to meet his angel …it’s a movie. It doesn’t fit with my Christian beliefs 😉 and this pays off in a wonderful reward. George is thinking he would be better off if he had never been born. Clarence allows George to see the world as if he had never existed. George sees a very dismal world because he was not in it working hard, caring, helping, and loving.

Be a Clarence

Be a friend. Be a mentor. Be a parent. Be a grandparent. Help others —young people, children, and grandchildren see and experience A Wonderful Life. It may not seem like they’re listening at the time but you would be amazed how much it sticks with them. I remember mentors from decades ago. I still remember their words, the circumstances of the situation, and the fact that they cared enough to share with me. I may not have told them how much it meant but their words still stick with me today.

Be a mentor. Share with someone. Take time to talk with someone. You may not be immediately rewarded but the lessons and wisdom you pass on will pay rewards for years to come

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Blog Leadership

Leadership Transitions

by Ron Potter July 26, 2018

If you think you can be a member of the leadership team by representing and defending your function, you don’t know what it means to be a member of the leadership team. You really don’t get it.

I think this might be one of the toughest life transitions I’ve seen people go through. Some of the transitions have been well documented through the years and are observable.

Doer to Manager

The first transition in our career tends to be from being a doer to a manager. A manager teaches, moves from empowerment to delegation, grows people, increases their ability to influence, helps them learn. A good manager is very hands-on, growing the people and teaching them basic aspects of the work to be done.

Manager to Leader

The second transition is one that I’ve observed and coached people through for many years. The reason that it sometimes requires a coach is that it is a difficult transition, one that many people never successfully get all the way through. After you’ve been that manager who has experienced some success, you’re now transitioning from being a manager to a leader. You’re now leading managers. You’re not managing doers anymore.

You’re moving more from a teaching mode to a guiding mode. You’re leading is helping managers to also become leaders. This one is particularly difficult because it seems to be the end of the period of your career where we get rewarded for actually getting things done and accomplishing things. People who reach this level have been rewarded consistently through pay, bonuses, and recognition for accomplishing the work. Moving to a leadership role means that you let go of that hands-on application of getting the work done. It means that you need to trust the people around you who report to you to get the work done. You can’t jump in and do it yourself when they fail. You actually have to let them fail to do this. It can be a very tough transition and one that only a percentage of people seem to make through the years.

Leader to Member of Leadership Team

I don’t think we’ve talked about this transition much. I haven’t seen much written on it. I’ve certainly experienced it myself but began recognizing the symptoms only a few years ago. Moving from being a leader, even a solid, well-respected, effective leader, to a member of a leadership team. This move emphasizes collaboration. It’s focused more on the company, or the overall division, not necessarily on functions. It means that you’re faced with dilemmas.

I recently wrote a blog post about bioscience describing why organizations don’t work. It’s because we seldom realize that we need to sub-optimize functions within the overall organization. This is one of the more difficult dilemmas you will face. Making the whole organization work often requires that parts of the organization operate at suboptimal levels for a season. Maybe even the part that you run.

It requires taking off your function hat and putting on your corporate hat. You may be sitting on the CEO’s leadership team, you may be representing finance, or operations, or HR, or transportation, or manufacturing, or information technology, whatever it is that you run as a member of the organization. It’s very difficult to let go, take off your function hat and put on your corporate hat. But, if the leadership team is functioning well, it’s your job to help them make decisions that may cause you to ratchet back your individual and your team’s success over a period for the success of the whole.

This transition to becoming a member of the leadership team may be the most difficult one to make. Few people will get the chance to even try. If you’re one of the fortunate few, don’t sabotage your (and the team’s) success by letting your ego get in the way of the team’s success. Becoming a great team member on a team doing great things brings the highest level of happiness. It’s really a kick!

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You Need a Mentor Too

by Ron Potter November 6, 2017

Mentoring is a life-changing part of development. The goal is to coach and guide people through life transitions and structures, focusing on the “being” rather than the “doing.”

In many ways, mentoring resembles a parent who lets a child learn how to feed herself. It can be downright messy! Food ends up on the face, in the hair, on the floor, on Mommy and Daddy—and occasionally in the mouth. Milk is spilled so frequently that a whole industry evolved to provide those nearly spill-proof cups! Parents have two choices: Let their child thrash around and learn how to manipulate a spoon, or continue to feed her themselves. But really there is only one good choice—as is true with mentoring. You just can’t spoon-feed a child forever. Neither should you artificially prop up a work associate who must learn to handle responsibilities. You need genuine concern, patience, and a great sense of humor, whether you are teaching a child eating skills or mentoring an employee in how to handle customer complaints. But it’s worth the effort. People committed to growing together through thick and thin accomplish great things.

Research has shown that leaders at all levels need mentoring. Even though you may be mentoring others successfully, you need a mentor too. Just put yourself in the protégé’s shoes.

There are two issues that we want you to be especially cognizant of:

Vulnerability. You must open yourself up to your mentor by being “woundable,” teachable, and receptive to criticism. The essence of vulnerability is a lack of pride. You cannot be proud and vulnerable at the same time. It takes a focus on humility to be vulnerable.
Accountability. Commit yourself wholeheartedly to your mentor (or protégé) and put some teeth in the relationship by establishing goals and expected behavior.

Accountability should include:

“Being willing to explain one’s actions.
Being open, unguarded, and nondefensive about one’s motives.
Answering for one’s life.
Supplying the reasons why.”*

Like vulnerability, accountability cannot exist alongside pride. Pride must take a backseat to a person’s need to know how she or he is doing and to be held accountable by someone who is trusted. People who are accountable are humble enough to allow people to come close and support them, and, when they drift off course, they welcome the act of restoration without the pride that says, “I don’t need anyone.”

Be vulnerable and open to being held accountable. Leaders at all levels need mentoring, and you need a mentor too.

* From Dropping Your Gaurd by Charles R. Swindoll

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Mentoring the Team

by Ron Potter October 30, 2017

Is it possible to have a somewhat formalized mentoring program in an organization or for one person to mentor large numbers of people? It depends.

I am not a fan of highly structured corporate mentoring programs. In reality, these large, generic approaches are often too loose and impersonal to give the life-changing attention we advocate. Developing others is work, some of the most challenging work any of us will ever do. Leaders must be ready to stick with it through thick and thin.

A solid mentoring culture will not exist with just a “pretty face.” Trust takes a huge blow if you promise to mentor people but fail to follow through over the long haul.

So is mentoring even feasible in a flat organization in which a leader may have eleven to fifteen direct-reports? Our advice is to be careful. Your only reasonable hope is to approach the task with a broader focus on “team.”

Bo Schembechler, the great former coach of the University of Michigan football team, was once asked on a radio talk show how he was able to sustain a winning program over so many years when such a large percentage of his best players graduated each year. His response was, “X’s and O’s are fun, but if you want a winning program, you have to get out with your players and build a team.”

Coach Schembechler clearly understood the dynamic and need of mentoring and building a team. His entire mentoring efforts were driven to build teamwork and team execution. He probably felt that his assistant coaches could individually mentor certain players under their care. However, as head coach, Bo Schembechler mentored all of the football players on how to be a successful team. He did it by focusing attention away from individual needs to the greater needs, goals, values, and vision of the team. He did not intend to build individuals; he intended to build a unit.

Leaders are meant to lead teams, not individuals. Team mentoring continues this purpose.

Too often I have worked with leaders who don’t feel it’s their job to build a team. Their attitude is that they have great people on the team; they are all successful, mature adults and will get along just fine. Wrong. Coach Schembechler understood the value of actually building a team that eventually would win the Big Ten championship. It would be the team that carried on the Michigan values to the next set of incoming freshman. Building a team was the key to sustaining success over a long period of time in spite of constantly changing team members and conditions.

The ultimate message of mentoring is to nurture positive people. Team mentoring nurtures positive cultures. We trust in people. We trust in ourselves and focus on helping and teaching. What changes do you need to make to be a great mentor?

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Blog Leadership

Golf Lessons

by Ron Potter October 26, 2017

This summer each of my grandsons wanted to spend time on the driving range with me learning the golf swing. That was great fun. Even though I’m not a professional golf coach and only an average golfer, my coaching at the range made a huge difference in their performance. Each seemed to grow from the experience.
That started me thinking about the coaching aspect of leading a team of people. Let me paint two possible scenarios:

1-on-1 Meeting after the event

I could have let each grandson hit golf balls for an hour, made notes and observations, then returned to the house for a good 1-on-1 evaluation. It might have gone something like this:
Me: I noticed right from the start that you had too many moving parts.
GS: What does that mean?
Me: Your feet were shifting. Your knees were moving too wide. Your arms were flopping all over the place.
GS: So, what should I do about it?
Me: Well, let’s start with your feet. We’ll get those stable first then work on the rest.
GS: Great, can we go back out now and test it?
Me: No, we’ll be having supper soon. Maybe we can try it again over the weekend.

Coaching During the Event

Me: (After about the third swing). Try keeping your feet still.
GS: (New swing with still feet but same result). That didn’t help!
Me: But it was a much better swing. Try it again.
GS: Wow, that helped a lot. (He hit several more balls with much better results)
Me: Now that you’ve got your feet still, try twisting your waist instead of swaying.
GS: Show me. (I demonstrated a few swings myself then had him swing a few times until he got the feel for it)
GS: (He hits a few balls that now go straighter and longer). Man, this is great!

Expected Results

Which approach worked better? It’s obvious. The second approach is much more effective than the first. And, it didn’t make any difference of the skill level between grandsons. The individual instruction may have been different but the process was the same.

Development Process

How are you developing your people? Are you saving your notes and observations for your formal 1-on-1 review time?

1-on-1 Meeting after the event

You: Back in March, you made a statement that shut down Carla. That prevented you from accomplishing your goal.
Them: What was my statement and how did you know Carla reacted?
You: Your statement was something about lack of planning and I could just tell that Carla took it personally.
Them: So, what should I do about it?
You: Well, let’s start with your ability to read reactions then we’ll move on to the next steps.
Them: Great, can we work on it now?
Me: Maybe we can try it again at our next meeting in a couple of weeks.

Coaching Immediately after the Event

You: When you made that statement about lack of planning, Carla took it personally and shut down.
Them: Wow, I didn’t notice that. What did you see?
You: First she crossed her arms. Then she pulled some papers from her briefcase and began working on them. She never re-engaged in your discussion.
Them: What should I have done differently?
You: Keep eye contact with people in the room. If you’re losing the focus of Carla or others, you’ve probably made a statement they don’t agree with. Express the fact that you may have misinterpreted some results and ask that everyone share their beliefs and assumptions about what happened.
Them: We have another meeting tomorrow. Would you help me notice if I’ve lost people so I can try this process?

Expected Results

Which approach do you think would work better?
Coaching requires immediate feedback. Don’t wait for your 1-on-1 meetings. Take the time (it takes both time and courage) to develop your people in the moment. You’ll get better results and they’ll appreciate the time and courage it took to care for them.

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Becoming a Mentor

by Ron Potter October 23, 2017

Last week we discussed being a dynamic mentor that inspires change in others. But how does one get there?

Here are some thoughts on becoming a mentor to others:

Character Over Skills

First, the best mentoring plans focus primarily on character development and then on skills. As Jim Collins reports, “The good-to-great companies placed greater weight on character attributes than on specific educational background, practical skills, specialized knowledge, or work experience.”

Set Clear Expectations

Second, I see many mentoring attempts fail because the participants do not sit down together to discuss and set boundaries and expectations. The process flows much better if the participants take time to understand each other’s goals, needs, and approaches than if they take a laid-back, let’s-get-together approach.

Any mentoring relationship should start with a firm foundation of mutual understanding about goals and expectations. A mentoring plan should be constructed by both individuals, even if it calls for spontaneity in the approach. Nothing is more powerful than motive and heart. Both of the people involved need to fully understand what is driving each of them to want this deeper experience of growth and commitment.

I once worked with an organization where a senior executive was trying to help a new manager. Incredible as it may seem, the manager was frequently not showing up on time—or at all—for scheduled mentoring appointments. We doubt that he fully understood the senior executive’s passion for his personal growth. When they later met to discuss the problem, the senior executive explained why he was willing to get up very early in the morning to help mentor the manager. Once the manager had grasped these basic facts, he started taking the sessions more seriously. Good idea!

Although I strongly endorse the notion of mentoring spontaneously during “teachable moments”, ideally I suggest using a combination of scheduled and unscheduled opportunities to learn and grow together.

Catch the Vision

What image comes to mind when you think of the term mentor? You might picture two people sitting at a table in a restaurant, the older person, his or her head topped with waves of shimmering, gray hair, waxing eloquent while the younger listener is furiously scribbling notes on a legal pad. Although this scene may warm our hearts, it seems just a bit out of sync with the real world.

I would like to offer an alternative image of mentoring: Picture two people sitting across from each other in an office. Obviously, an important project is under discussion. The interaction is animated, intense, and often humorous. These people obviously know each other well. Speech is direct and honest. Mutual respect is readily apparent. Some coaching is occurring, but the protégé is not restrained in sharing some insights on the performance of the mentor as well. This relationship is built on trust.

With this picture in mind, I like to define mentoring as a long-term, mutually supportive and enhancing relationship rather than as a relationship in which a highly advanced human being tutors another who stands a step or two below him or her on the developmental ladder.

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Four Ways to Develop Change Through Mentoring

by Ron Potter October 16, 2017

But there are some simple ideas that will help illumine your path to a satisfying and successful mentoring experience.

Encourage

Encouragement is one of the mentor’s most powerful tools for leading another person to higher levels of personal growth. The Greek word for encouragement means “coming alongside.” This means helping another person by being right there, offering whatever assistance is required.

All of us need encouragement—a word from somebody who believes in us, stands by us, and reassures us. Encouragement renews our courage, refreshes our spirits, and rekindles our hope. Encouragement goes beyond appreciation to affirmation; we appreciate what a person does, but we affirm who a person is. Affirmation does not insist on a particular level of performance, and it is not earned.

Be Patient

Mentoring requires a good amount of patience from both parties. The endurance factor is quite important when the person with whom a mentor is working reacts with what might be considered a silly response (in words or actions). It takes patience to watch someone grow and develop into a better person. It takes patience to see missteps and not immediately go in and either change the behavior or solve the problem.

Be Trustworthy

As a mentor you must exhibit integrity. The person you are mentoring will be open and vulnerable only after watching you live a consistently ethical life. Trustworthiness means being reliable, faithful, and unfailing. Trustworthy leaders are honest and transparent, committed, dedicated, and keep promises and confidences. They also have the moral courage to do the right thing and to stand up for what they believe even when it is difficult to do so.

Be An Opportunist

A good mentor is always searching for mentoring opportunities. The best mentoring happens in “teachable moments.” These impromptu opportunities to share insights and experiences require no formal agenda or time schedule, just a willingness on the leader’s part to be available and recognize moments when the other person needs help. This should flow naturally and not be contrived or forced. The protégé may not even realize that a “mentoring moment” has occurred.

The opportunity to mentor exists in every setting where people need to draw on one another’s talents to accomplish a goal.

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Blog Leadership

3 Ways to Develop Dynamic Change in Others

by Ron Potter August 14, 2017

Is there a surefire, can’t-fail approach to mentoring effectively in an organizational setting? Probably not. But that should not come as a surprise because, after all, we are talking about relationships between people. However, here are some ideas, principles, and goals that will help illumine your path to a satisfying and successful mentoring experience.

1.Be an encourager

Based on our observation, we do offer one caution related to the issue of encouragement: Many leaders themselves appear to have a low need for personal affirmation and approval and therefore have difficulty understanding the need to encourage and affirm others. If this describes you, you will need to train yourself to give what may feel like over-encouragement to others.

2.Be patient

3. Be trustworthy

The opportunity to mentor exists in every setting where people need to draw on one another’s talents to accomplish a goal.

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Blog Trust Me

Mentoring: An Exercise in Vulnerability

by Ron Potter August 7, 2017

We discussed last week that one of the hallmarks of a long-term mentoring relationship is the intentional vulnerability that develops between two people. This means they can easily strip away the outside masks and get down to the issues (both personal and business) that need attention. This kind of openness and willingness to share the truth is a quality found in effective leaders. They refuse to let pride get in the way of open communication that will encourage and assist others and advance the cause of the organization.

If the characteristics of a solid mentoring relationship remind you of a good friendship, you are right. Research data and our experience indicate that, more often than not, mentoring relationships grow over time into lasting friendships.

But if a mentoring relationship is to thrive, men in particular must overcome an issue that many of them struggle with: It’s hard for men to be vulnerable with one another, especially in the work environment. In his book The Friendless American Male, David Smith writes:

Men find it hard to accept that they need the fellowship of other men. The simple request, “Let’s have lunch together” is likely to be followed with the response, “Sure, what’s up?” The message is clear: the independent man doesn’t need the company of another man. In fact, the image of the independent man is that he has few if any emotional needs. Therefore, men must manufacture reasons for being together—a business deal must be discussed or a game must be played. Men often use drinking as an excuse to gather together. Rarely do men plan a meeting together simply because they have a need to enjoy each other’s company.

Even when men are frequently together their social interaction begins and remains at the superficial level. Just how long can conversations about politics and sports be nourishing to the human spirit? The same male employees can have lunch together for years and years and still limit their conversation to sports, politics, dirty jokes and comments about the sexual attractiveness of selected female workers in their office or plant. They do not know how to fellowship.

Getting beyond such superficiality takes effort, and at least in the early stages of their relationship, a mentor will have to model appropriate vulnerability to build trust with the protégé. Once the walls start coming down, the process will accelerate and the rewards will be great for both partners. Real issues will be addressed so that genuine personal and organizational growth and change may occur.

What about mentoring involving women? Are their needs and challenges different? Research from Bernice R. Sandler, senior scholar at the Women’s Research and Education Institute, says that “at least one study has shown that male mentors were more likely to direct their female protegees and therefore to be disappointed if they [the protegees] did not follow their advice. The study found, in contrast, that female mentors were more likely to encourage and affirm their protegees’ career choices; they apparently had less emotional investment in having their protegees follow in their footsteps. Also, male mentors may be largely work focused and ignore personal issues that affect those with whom they are working, while women mentors often show interest in both the personal and professional lives of their students.”

My own experience has revealed that most women prefer a coach from outside their company. While they often would not mind having a male coach, the concerns about sexual overtones and misunderstood motives are often too high to make this a comfortable arrangement. Mentoring the opposite sex (either men mentoring women or women mentoring men) presents challenges, and certainly, if any sexual overtones develop, they need to be confronted and the relationship discontinued.

The right mentee paired with the right mentor leads to those in the relationship feeling appreciated, supported, empowered, and fully equipped to complete their tasks.

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