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Qualities of a Caring Leader

Qualities of a Caring Leader: Spontaneous Compassion

by Ron Potter February 1, 2016

Over the next few weeks, our Trust Me posts will explore the qualities of a caring leader. We explored the first quality – Understanding here. Then we took a look at the second quality – Concern. Communication was the third quality. Then we discussed Confrontation. Today we look at Compassion.

I observed a wonderful incident of compassion once while preparing a webcast for a client. The man helping set up the equipment and handling the technical details received a telephone call from one of his employees who was troubleshooting at another location. My writing partner Wayne and I learned that this employee was working on a crisis situation of great importance to her company.

Hearing just half of his conversation, we picked up that she was reporting on her progress in solving the problem. Later, when our technical helper gave us the details of the conversation, we learned that almost in passing she mentioned, “I have to check on my father. I think he had a heart attack or stroke or something.”

Our man interrupted the conversation right then and said bluntly, “You need to go to your father.” He didn’t even ask, “Do you need to go to your father?” He just said, “You need to go to your father.”

The employee protested, “No, I’m not going to go until this is fixed.” Her boss just kept saying, “Get off the phone, get on a plane, and go to your father.”

We knew that this man might get into trouble for making that kind of decision; his employee was trying to solve a serious problem. But he insisted, and she went home.

We reach several conclusions from this leader’s act of spontaneous compassion: First, this woman will be one of his most loyal and productive employees from now on. Second, he did the right thing even though painful consequences might follow. A trusted leader acts like that. Finally, he showed a true heart of compassion. He decided to care for the person. In that moment when he had to make a choice, he understood and responded to the needs of the person, not just a valued cog in the company machine.

That’s what compassion is all about.

Compassion is a compelling conviction to care enough to become involved and help others by taking some action that will improve their lives or set them on a fresh course.

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Qualities of a Caring Leader: Confrontation

by Ron Potter January 25, 2016

Part of leading is confronting people and urging them toward better performance.
Confrontation does not involve giving a report on another person’s behavior. It means offering feedback on the other’s role or response. Its goal, in the business environment, is to bring the employee, boss, or peer face to face with issues (behavior, emotions, achievement) that are being avoided.
For us to be effective in confrontation, we need to focus on four things:

Balanced truth

You cannot confront someone on hearsay alone. Get the facts. Investigate the matter; check it out. There are always two sides to every story. What are they? Neither one is likely to be the “complete” truth. Look for the balanced story.

Right timing

We recently witnessed a near catastrophe. A client of ours was going to confront a customer. The customer had called the day before and verbally leveled several people on our friend’s staff. Our client was going to call the customer and confront him with some brutal truth: “Everyone in the office is afraid of you and doesn’t want to talk to you because of your aggressive style and attitude.” Just before our client was to make the call, someone in the office discovered that the customer’s wife had colon cancer and possibly multiple sclerosis. The customer was suffering right along with his wife, in addition to trying to be both Dad and Mom to the kids, coaching a sports team, and running a tough business. Instead of calling to confront the customer with the brutal facts, our client decided to confront him with care and sympathy.
Many situations will not be this clear-cut. The right timing may be harder to gauge. For sure, though, it is best to deal with a situation when the heat of the moment has passed. Having the courage and taking the time to come back to it after emotions have subsided is actually quite difficult. There never seems to be the same urgency later, but good leaders force themselves to pick up the issue at a better moment. When it is the right time to confront, the green lights will be flashing. Until then, hold on.

Wise wording

We suggest that you carefully plan what you will say when you confront someone. A proverb says, “Timely advice is as lovely as golden apples in a silver basket. Valid criticism is as treasured by the one who heeds it as jewelry made from finest gold.” Words have the power to destroy or heal. Choose them carefully when entering in to confrontation.

Fearless courage

Don’t fall back in fear when you need to confront someone. If you have assembled the truth, believe it is the right moment, and have carefully prepared what you will say, move forward and confront. As Roger Clemens did with Curt Schilling, press on: “How can I help this person be better, regardless of how I feel?” It may mean finding a more productive or satisfying place for the person—even if it’s with another company. In the end this option is better for the organization and, in most cases, for the other person. What is worse is allowing a person to continue in a harmful behavior or self-destructive attitude.

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Qualities of a Caring Leader: Communication

by Ron Potter January 18, 2016

Over the next few weeks, our Trust Me posts will explore the qualities of a caring leader. We explored the first quality – Understanding here. Then we took a look at the second quality – Concern. Today, we discuss the third quality of a caring leader – Communication.

The groundbreaking book In Search of Excellence stressed the concept known as MBWA, “management by walking around.” The concept is taken further in the book A Passion for Excellence:

How good are you? No better than your people and their commitment and participation in the business as full partners, and as business people. The fact that you get them all together to share whatever—results, experiences, recent small successes and the like—at least once every couple of weeks seems to us to be a small price indeed to pay for that commitment and sense of teamwork and family. The “return on investment” is probably far and away the best of any program in the organization.

MBWA stresses getting out of our individual comfort zones and getting to know other people. Whether you attend company-wide meetings or individual private sessions, the lesson is clear: Get out of your office and communicate with your people.

We tend to assume that communication is merely the process of delivering information from one person to another. However, it is much more than just good delivery. Pat Williams writes:

“Communication is a process by which we build relationships and trust, share meaning and values and feelings, and transcend the aloneness and isolation of being distinct, individual souls. Communication is not just a data dump. Communication is connection.”

Communication means being connected with your people. It means getting out of your office into their offices and workspaces. Go.

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Qualities of a Caring Leader: Concern

by Ron Potter December 28, 2015

Over the next few weeks, our Trust Me posts will explore the qualities of a caring leader. We explored the first quality – Understanding here. Today we look at the second quality – Concern.

One of my favorite old adages says “I don’t care how much you know until I know how much you care.” Remember, an old adage hangs around for hundreds of years because it is solidly true.

Many leaders believe they must completely separate their work life from their personal life. Many of them will say, “I don’t dare get too close to these people because I won’t be able to be objective if I need to give them critical feedback.”

But people follow leaders who care. People know they care, and they develop trust. If you are a caring, honestly challenging leader, people will follow you through the tough course of business ups and downs.

I have seen great leaders demonstrate care. They don’t just know the members of their team, they help them by taking action to improve their lives or set them on a fresh course. When a leader cares about their team, the team cares for one another as well.

I often run an exercise with my clients that I call “Human Beings, not Human Doings.” The point of the exercise is that when we relate to each other based entirely on what we “do”, things can get off base. Maybe something wasn’t done right or on time or to the standards that were expected and we start to assign that disappointment to the person responsible for the work. But when we begin to understand and relate to who people “are”, not just what they do, we often begin to understand people better. We begin to care. Under caring circumstances we begin to help each other and the team to improve our overall performance. Caring produces results.

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Qualities of a Caring Leader: Understanding

by Ron Potter December 14, 2015

Source: Robert Couse-Baker, Creative Commons

We need to be acutely aware of other people’s needs, focus, dreams, and abilities before we can help them achieve.

For years the late cartoonist Charles Schulz delighted us as his Peanuts characters Charlie Brown, Linus, and even Snoopy provided a window into the complex (and funny) realm of human relations.

Lucy, the extroverted big sister of Linus, was no exception. Her love affair with the Beethoven-loving Schroeder is legendary. Often we see Lucy stretched out by Schroeder’s piano, watching him with longing eyes. Or she is asking a question or demanding his attention in some other way. Schroeder is oblivious to Lucy, so she tries harder and harder to win his heart. In the end, nothing works. Lucy usually loses her temper and pouts, once again the frustrated lover.

What Lucy never gets is how a change in her approach might improve her chances at winning Schroeder’s attention. Lucy’s entire focus is on her needs, not Schroeder’s. Every attempt to secure the heart of the piano genius is from her perspective, not his. Her compassion is entirely self-focused and has little or nothing to do with him and his needs. No matter how bold or romantic she is, Lucy never gets close to Schroeder because she never learns to first understand him.

Increased understanding of others usually leads to better relationships. Our frame of reference becomes their needs, not our own. It becomes a habit to seek to understand our bosses, our direct-reports, and our peers. This understanding is not developed for manipulative purposes. It is an attempt to help people grow and develop by first seeking to understand them—their motives, needs, and styles. Once we understand others and their individual preferences, we can better communicate with them, train them, and lead them.

Abraham Lincoln was a master at this. In 1864 the New York Herald explained how Lincoln was able to overcome the difficulties of guiding the nation during the Civil War—“Plain common sense, a kindly disposition, a straight forward purpose, and a shrewd perception of the ins and outs of poor, weak human nature.”

Lincoln was a master at getting out to meet and know the people—from generals to office workers: “Lincoln gained commitment and respect from his people because he was willing to take time out from his busy schedule to hear what his people had to say.” From this information, Lincoln came to understand his people. From this understanding, he motivated them, challenged them, and moved them to achieve.

It is always interesting, upon entering an airplane, to look into the cockpit and see all those dials and gauges. Each one has a purpose. Many help properly guide the aircraft to its final destination. If the pilots don’t monitor the right instruments, they won’t have a clear picture of the flight, where they are going, how fast they are traveling, how high they are flying, or even if the craft is right side up.

Similarly, if we do not read all the “gauges” of other people, we will be forced to guess what their behavior and words really mean. Learning to read gauges gives you the ability to understand and respond to others based on their needs and frames of reference.

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