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Servant-Leadership

When trying to help isn’t helpful

by Ron Potter October 25, 2018

How many times have you used the following phrases? I should probably ask, “How many times have you heard the following phrases?” We often don’t hear our own words, but we sure hear others words.

Don’t do it that way.
This will work better.
I see your problem.
Have you thought of…
I’ll correct that for you.
I can help.

These words and phrases are often used under the guise of trying to help. But, are they helpful?

What’s your reaction when someone says, “Don’t do it that way.”

Fine, do it yourself.
I’ll wait for you to tell me specifically what to do. (And I won’t do anything else)

Reaction to any of the other statements will be similar.

This will work better. (Not if you understood the entire issue)
I see your problem. (It’s not my problem, it’s our problem and you don’t see all the issues)
Have you thought of.. (We’ve had a team working on this and thought about every possible angle you can think of)
I’ll correct that for you. (Fine, then the problem is yours)
I can help. (Not by second guessing everything we’ve done)

So how does someone truly help?

First by genuinely asking if help is wanted.
If the answer is yes. Then by asking what form of help might be useful or desired.

Notice that so far, no specific “help” have been offered. But by asking what type of help would be useful, there may be multiple answers.

If you could cover this other project while we grapple with this one, that would be great.
Would you simply listen to the issues as we’ve framed them and see if anything else comes to mind?
Would you mind compiling some of this data for us? I think if we could see it all together it might be useful.

Usually, the best form of help you can offer is simply asking what type of help would be useful. Once the person or team is confident that you really want to help in any way you can, multiple ways of helping will become evident.

Don’t express what you think will help. Simply offer to help in any way needed. People really appreciate it.

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How Big is the Pie: Rewards of You-First Leadership

by Ron Potter October 8, 2018

The past couple weeks, we have discussed you-first leadership and the characteristics that make up that kind of leader.
Becoming a “you-first” leader may sound a bit like career suicide. Isn’t this just another way to get trampled while climbing the corporate ladder?

I would say that depends on your view of the pie.

Are you the kind of person who believes in the “fixed pie” view of the world? “There is only so much pie to go around, so if I don’t get mine first, there won’t be any left after everyone takes theirs.”

Or do you believe in an expanding pie? “If we all do a great job, there will be more than enough to go around for all of us.” “You first.”

The Sweet Rewards of You-First Leadership

There are actually great personal and professional rewards awaiting the person intent on taking care of the needs of others first. In the long run compassion, like humility, will be an asset that will propel you into being an admired leader, one whom others will follow. It will also provide you with a great deal of personal satisfaction and delight.

Having a “you-first” attitude will result in a new and better personal leadership paradigm. Instead of viewing employees and others as those in need of control and reshaping, you will move toward becoming a coach who provides people with honest feedback. You will create a safe environment in which people are free to share honestly about your programs, ideas, vision, and initiatives.

Another way to look at yourself and develop good habits is to examine whether you act as an old-style boss, or whether your actions (not intentions, but real actions) are directed toward empowering others.

Zig Ziglar has built a whole career based on the concept that to get everything you want you need to help other people get what they want. “You first.”

A you-first leadership style goes beyond humility. Humility says, “I’m no better than you; we are equally important.” A “you-first” attitude puts the other person out front.

Let’s Discuss

How much are your decisions driven by your own selfishness?
What are you trying to protect by not seeking a “you-first” style when you work with others?
Have you ever experienced personal satisfaction by putting another person first, placing their needs ahead of your own? Explain.

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Blog Trust Me

Leading Others By Putting Them First – Part II

by Ron Potter October 1, 2018

The “you-first” leader is the man or woman whose focus is on responding to the needs of employees, customers, and community before his or her own needs. Last week, we discussed the first three characteristics that help put those you lead first. This week we’ll continue with the last three.

Empathy

This is identifying with and understanding another’s situation, feelings, and motives. People need to know they are accepted and recognized for their special gifts and talents.

John was the head of a large entertainment company. He was concerned about everything but his employees and their needs. He lacked many of the qualifications of a great leader, but one of his most glaring deficiencies was empathy. Whenever an employee (executive, manager, or worker) expressed some personal problem or work-related difficulty, John would immediately take that as a cue to either go into his own personal problems or tell the employee, manager, or executive how deficient the person was in his or her job. John made a lot of money, so most employees could not imagine that he could have any of the same problems they experienced. That didn’t matter to John. He just went right into his monologue. Over time, he lost all of his good employees and leaders. The company, now a shadow of its former self, is simply “getting by.”

Healing

One of the greatest characteristics of a “you-first” leader is the ability to approach another person as a healer in a spirit of help and compassion.

When she first came to work, Diana was hardly a candidate for employee of the year. In fact, because she had made some terrible choices as a teenager, she was in pain and carrying a load of personal baggage. But the “you-first” manager she reported to sensed that beyond Diana’s broken spirit was a person loaded with raw talent and drive. But first some negatives needed attention. Diana had gaps in her formal training. So the manager worked with Diana on a plan to bring her to a place of peak performance. As she experienced some modest success early on and began getting rid of self-doubts and limiting habits, Diana blossomed. Soon her progress was exponential. Her manager tailored a bonus plan for Diana. She did so well that she outran the plan, creating a financial strain on the manager’s budget!

To this day Diana continues to thrive in both her professional and personal life. All of that started with a manager who could look beyond his own needs and place another person first. His commitment to healing opened the door for Diana to walk through and enjoy her job and her life.

Persuasion over power

Many times when a job is hard to do, poor leaders rely on sheer power rather than persuasion. The compassionate leader seeks to engage others rather than force compliance. There’s a desire to build consensus rather than use authoritarian power. Jesus told compelling stories called parables to help people see that what he was saying was not only different but also better for them. His disciples were confused. Why didn’t he just use his power and “force” people to believe? Jesus knew that he was much better off helping people understand through non-coercive means. With their consensus came the real power to accomplish something great. Power trips and plays deflate people and do not allow them to think for themselves.

This list of six characteristics of a “you-first” leader is by no means exhaustive, but each quality is fundamental if you want compassion to be a key component of your leadership style.

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Blog Trust Me

Leading Others By Putting Them First – Part I

by Ron Potter September 24, 2018

Are you a you-first leader? One way to find out is by asking the following questions:

Do others grow as individuals under your leadership? While benefiting from your compassion, do others become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, and more likely themselves to develop a “you-first” attitude?

If you’re unsure, developing a few characteristics may bring about the fruit of you-first leadership on your team.

Commitment to the growth of people

In their book The Leadership Challenge, James Kouzes and Barry Posner write, “Any leadership practice that increases another’s sense of self-confidence, self-determination, and personal effectiveness makes that person more powerful and greatly enhances the possibility of success.”

A commitment to growing people is not a temporary fix, a quick solution to a problem, or a short-term shot in the arm that helps them only today. Commitment to growth is a long-term investment in other people. It increases their opportunities to grow, learn, and use what they have learned to its greatest benefit. When their growth multiplies, the organization’s growth and maturity multiplies.

Listening

What made a difference for me was when I finally grasped the concept of listening with the intent to understand. I had always listened with the intent to respond. The entire time I was listening, my mind was developing responses, recording counterpoints, cataloging quick points that I was sure the other person would find helpful when I responded. Listening with the intent to respond is not compassionate. It is not humble. It’s self-focused. Listening with the intent to understand is indeed focused on the other person.

As I work with leaders and spend time listening with the intent to understand, I’m amazed at how much they are willing to share with me when they know I fully intend not to just hear them but also to understand.

Awareness

Both self-awareness and general awareness direct leaders to better understand situations and people. Robert Greenleaf wrote,

Awareness is not a giver of solace—it is just the opposite. It is a disturber and an awakener. Able leaders are usually sharply awake and reasonably disturbed. They are not seekers after solace. They have their own inner serenity.

Awareness helps leaders discern how to properly put others first.

These first three. qualities of a you-first leader will certainly build up your team and create an others-focused team. Next week, we’ll discuss the next three qualities.

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Blog Trust Me

Compassion is Not Cheap

by Ron Potter September 17, 2018

Compassion is not easy or cheap. A leader who sincerely seeks to understand and care for others will pay a price. But the rewards are satisfying and great.

I want to examine compassion from the perspective of a “you-first” leader—the man or woman whose focus is on responding to the needs of employees, customers, and community before his or her own needs.

I urge you to be a person and leader known for radical acts of compassion. Here’s an incredible example:

It was 1944, and Bert Frizen was an infantryman on the front lines in Europe. American forces had advanced in the face of intermittent shelling and small-arms fire throughout the morning hours, but now all was quiet. His patrol reached the edge of a wooded area with an open field before them. Unknown to the Americans, a battery of Germans waited in a hedgerow about two hundred yards across the field.
Bert was one of two scouts who moved out into the clearing. Once he was halfway across the field, the remainder of his battalion followed. Suddenly, the Germans opened fire, and machine gun fire ripped into both of Bert’s legs. The American battalion withdrew into the woods for protection, while a rapid exchange of fire continued.
Bert lay helplessly in a small stream as shots volleyed overhead. There seemed to be no way out. To make matters worse, he now noticed that a German soldier was crawling toward him. Death appeared imminent; he closed his eyes and waited. To his surprise, a considerable period passed without the expected attack, so he ventured opening his eyes again. He was startled to see the German kneeling at his side, smiling. He then noticed that the shooting had stopped. Troops from both sides of the battlefield watched anxiously. Without any verbal exchange, this mysterious German reached down to lift Bert in his arms and proceeded to carry him to the safety of Bert’s comrades.
Having accomplished his self-appointed mission, and still without speaking a word, the German soldier turned and walked back across the field to his own troop. No one dared break the silence of this sacred moment. Moments later the cease-fire ended, but not before all those present had witnessed how one man risked everything for his enemy.

How would your business, your family, your community—our world—be better if more of these radical acts of compassion occurred on a daily basis?

We can respond with compassion to every person we encounter by thinking “you-first.” Jesus constantly demonstrated this approach with his team of disciples. Perhaps the most memorable example occurred shortly before his death when he got down on his knees and washed their feet. In this humbling act he demonstrated to them that even as their leader he desired to serve them. He wanted them to understand that in his view—the ultimate leader—the needs of others came first.

An entire, well-established management perspective has evolved from this concept of service to others. Robert K. Greenleaf first used the term servant leadership in a 1970 essay.

This is a very counterintuitive notion in my day when competition is fierce in nearly every area of life. You can’t “look out for number 1” and say “you-first” at the same time. To be a “you-first” leader feels like it costs at first, but is far valuable in the long run.

So then how do we learn to put others first?

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Blog Leadership

Circle of Influence – Part II

by Ron Potter September 13, 2018

I was a little surprised by the number of comments and feedback I received recently about the Circle of Influence post.

The point was to be perfectly clear about the part of the organization you can influence versus those you can’t influence even though you may have concern for what’s happening or not happening “over there.”

Wisdom is knowing the difference and acting accordingly.

How should our behavior differ when we’re in a position of influence vs areas where we can only express concern?

Before we delve into the different behaviors, let’s look at one more circle. Our circle of control.

If we think of three concentric circles, the outer circle would be labeled Concern, the next inner, smaller circle would be labeled Influence and the smallest circle at the center would be labeled Control.

Circle of Control

Note that this is described as the smallest circle of the three. Our control circle is much smaller than we think and should be used so sparingly that people are almost shocked if it’s used at all. Great leaders don’t control, great leaders influence. As a kid, I always vowed that I would never use the phrase “Because I said so” when I became a parent. My daughters will tell you that I didn’t stick to that vow. But even as a kid, knowing a parent has ultimate authority, we still don’t like being told to do something simply because power and control are held by the other person. We don’t like it as an adult either. Just like there were moments when our parents needed to play the control card, there are also moments that we need to play the same card as a leader. But with each playing of the card, your actual influence diminishes. Play that card only in critical situations.

Circle of Influence

This is the circle where most leaders and team members should be found. Influence is defined by “the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something.” Notice when someone is having a positive effect on your Character, Development or Behavior. It takes a great deal of trust, respect and caring. Without trust, respect and caring, we have no ability to influence. This is where the best leaders live. The best leaders are influencers.

Circle of Concern

This is a legitimate area in our corporate lives. We should indeed have concern for the entire organization and its success. But, if we treat it like a Circle of Influence rather than expressing our “concern” we can create havoc in the organization. Crossing this boundary between influence and concern causes some of the most disruptions I’ve seen in organizations.

I even worked with one CEO who seemed to use the lack of clarity about these boundaries to push his will on the organization. Causing great destruction along the way.

This was a large company and therefore had Executive-VP’s which made up the Leadership Team around the CEO and then many VP’s below these EVP’s who were responsible for the various departments. There was one strong point of disagreement between two of the EVP’s. The CEO who was a tough, hard-charging type assumed that the two EVP’s would battle it out until someone won the argument. He believed in the survival of the strongest. But, rather than fighting it out and coming to a conclusion, these two EVP’s decided to “agree to disagree” and never solved the issue. They simply never talked about it or dealt with it.

While the CEO was unwilling to push the issue at his Leadership Team level, he went one level down and talked to the VP who had the reputation of getting things done. He seemed to give his full authority to this VP so this VP charged ahead. Unfortunately, he quickly ran up against the “agree to disagree” level and neither EVP would budge. I was working closely with this and became aware that the VP was considering leaving the company because of the inability to push forward with what the CEO was “demanding.” Then I shared the Circle of Influence/Concern concept.

The VP soon understood that this was a no-win situation and was personally frustrated enough to go back to the CEO and place the issue back in his lap to solve at his leadership team level. That took nerve but it also produced clarity and eventually results.

Make sure you’re fighting battles that can be won. If you’re trying to win battles in your area of concern, you’re destined to fail.

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5 Steps to Standing for Something Greater Blog Leadership

5 Steps to Standing for Something Greater – Part I: Clean Up Your Act

by Ron Potter February 5, 2018

People do not like to be put in boxes, and just as important, people do not like to be in the dark, outside the door where company values and vision are shaped. People are less energized and tend to drift when they are unsure of how they should be operating within an organization. People need to see their leaders’ commitment to values, and they want a part in helping to shape their organization’s core values and vision.

So how do you show this? There are five steps to helping your company and your team stand for something greater.

Clean up your act

It is difficult to convince others to stand for something greater if your own life and values are mediocre. Make no mistake: Regardless of what you hear from assorted voices, your personal moral standards are inseparably linked to long-term leadership success.

I once worked with a vice president of a large company who appeared very successful but did not adhere to high personal standards. He was very good at what he did and had a magnificent reputation. He had also successfully navigated through some tough spots for the company.

This V.P. liked to call himself “a player.” Essentially, being a player meant that he messed around outside of marriage. He did not see this as wrong (pride talking) and told us it would not affect his people or the quality of the job they were doing (pride again). In his arrogance he thought he could keep his two worlds—work and extramarital cheating—separate.

Twenty-four months later, the vice president’s inability to control his pride and lust cost him everything, including his job. His clever scheme fell apart. His self-focus swallowed him up.

It’s fun to be a leader, flattering to have influence, and invigorating to have a room full of people cheering your every word. It is a powerful boost to set a direction for the troops and then draw them out to march toward the goal. However, nothing will spoil this pretty picture more quickly than a willful, proud attitude.

Author and speaker Joyce Meyer writes,

How can you tell you have a problem with pride? Examine yourself. If you have an opinion about everything, you have a problem with pride. If you are judgmental, you have a problem with pride. If you can’t stand to be corrected, you have a problem with pride. If you rebel against authority, if you want to take all the credit and glory to yourself, if you say “I” too often, then you have a problem with pride.

Pride can cause an uncontrolled will, which is fatal in a leader’s life.

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Blog Culture

Addicted to Being Right

by Ron Potter December 14, 2017

We’ve talked about Business Addictions before. In my post “Are you an addict?” from earlier this year, we talked about addiction to accountability, dedication, and productivity. Most of these addictions are “acceptable” in the workplace. People don’t usually call you out for being too dedicated or productive. But they may be aware (and even annoyed) that you can’t get through a meeting without checking your phone. Or you may be falling short of expectations on projects because you made commitments to too many projects.

But there is another business addiction I observe that immediately turns negative and is obvious in its disruption of productivity and a committed path forward. The addiction to being right!

The problem? It sends the signal that all others are wrong. “I’m right, you’re wrong.” “My perception is correct, yours is not.” Once you turn decisions into right vs wrong choices, there will never be a committed team effort to accomplish the goal. Right vs Wrong creates winners and losers. If I’m on the losing side of that equation, I may comply, but I will never commit. If the decision is a Right vs Wrong decision than you’re going to expect me to commit to a direction that I believe is wrong. Human nature keeps that from happening. It’s not realistic.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t have strong ideas and points of view. We don’t’ bring much value to the team if we simply present a cookie-cutter response to the situation. However, we must also realize that others have equally strong and “right” views. We must be dedicated to finding a joint path, shared stories, new movies. Not just proving that we’re right.

If we can frame the decisions that we face in a Right vs Right fashion, we have a better chance of moving forward as a team. Right vs Right turns our decision making away from winning and losing and toward a dilemma. When we face a dilemma, we’re saying there are two equally right answers, we just can’t do both. We must work out as a team which direction we’re going to head and fully commit to that decision.

Dilemmas are difficult. The concept of being on the “horns of a dilemma” means that you’re going to get gored either way. You’re just choosing which horn will gore you. Dilemmas are difficult.

But, facing our decisions as dilemmas between two or more “right” answers, gives us the chance to come together as a team and accomplish a goal together.

Addiction to being right prevents us from doing things together. It only creates winners and losers.

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Blog Trust Me

Four Ways to Develop Change Through Mentoring

by Ron Potter October 16, 2017

But there are some simple ideas that will help illumine your path to a satisfying and successful mentoring experience.

Encourage

Encouragement is one of the mentor’s most powerful tools for leading another person to higher levels of personal growth. The Greek word for encouragement means “coming alongside.” This means helping another person by being right there, offering whatever assistance is required.

All of us need encouragement—a word from somebody who believes in us, stands by us, and reassures us. Encouragement renews our courage, refreshes our spirits, and rekindles our hope. Encouragement goes beyond appreciation to affirmation; we appreciate what a person does, but we affirm who a person is. Affirmation does not insist on a particular level of performance, and it is not earned.

Be Patient

Mentoring requires a good amount of patience from both parties. The endurance factor is quite important when the person with whom a mentor is working reacts with what might be considered a silly response (in words or actions). It takes patience to watch someone grow and develop into a better person. It takes patience to see missteps and not immediately go in and either change the behavior or solve the problem.

Be Trustworthy

As a mentor you must exhibit integrity. The person you are mentoring will be open and vulnerable only after watching you live a consistently ethical life. Trustworthiness means being reliable, faithful, and unfailing. Trustworthy leaders are honest and transparent, committed, dedicated, and keep promises and confidences. They also have the moral courage to do the right thing and to stand up for what they believe even when it is difficult to do so.

Be An Opportunist

A good mentor is always searching for mentoring opportunities. The best mentoring happens in “teachable moments.” These impromptu opportunities to share insights and experiences require no formal agenda or time schedule, just a willingness on the leader’s part to be available and recognize moments when the other person needs help. This should flow naturally and not be contrived or forced. The protégé may not even realize that a “mentoring moment” has occurred.

The opportunity to mentor exists in every setting where people need to draw on one another’s talents to accomplish a goal.

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Blog Culture

Pharrell Williams’ Most Important Lesson

by Ron Potter August 24, 2017

I like Pharrell Williams. His music is great to my ear and while I couldn’t pull off any of his fashion statements, somehow it looks really good and natural on him.

Jacob Gallagher interviewed Pharrell for The Wall Street Journal. It was titled “20 Odd Questions”. Some of them may have been odd but I found most of them interesting.

Favorite places in the world
Color
Style
Favorite art gallery
Who would he want to work with

These were some of the questions and categories. But the one topic that jumped out for me was:

The most important life lesson I’ve learned is:

Pharrell may be one of the most recognizable people on the planet today. Fame. Fortune. Wealth. All the things that much of the world seems to be clamoring for. So, what was his answer?

Humility.

“The importance of humility. You want to shine but not so bright that you burn everything in the room. As long as you’ve got your light, people will see you and it’s all good.”

He expresses a clear understanding of humility. It doesn’t mean to stay in the background. “You want to shine…”

It doesn’t mean that you don’t lead the way. “You’ve got your light…”

The original meaning of the word means complete power under control. “Not so bright that you burn everything in the room.”

Humble leaders shine. They light the way. People know who they are and what they stand for. They just don’t burn out everything (and everyone) in the room. Others shine brighter in their presence.

Are people basking in your light or putting on dark sunglasses to keep from burning out their eyes? Be a light. Don’t be a torch.

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Blog Leadership

3 Ways to Develop Dynamic Change in Others

by Ron Potter August 14, 2017

Is there a surefire, can’t-fail approach to mentoring effectively in an organizational setting? Probably not. But that should not come as a surprise because, after all, we are talking about relationships between people. However, here are some ideas, principles, and goals that will help illumine your path to a satisfying and successful mentoring experience.

1.Be an encourager

Based on our observation, we do offer one caution related to the issue of encouragement: Many leaders themselves appear to have a low need for personal affirmation and approval and therefore have difficulty understanding the need to encourage and affirm others. If this describes you, you will need to train yourself to give what may feel like over-encouragement to others.

2.Be patient

3. Be trustworthy

The opportunity to mentor exists in every setting where people need to draw on one another’s talents to accomplish a goal.

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Blog Leadership

The Sweet Rewards of Humility

by Ron Potter July 3, 2017

Humility is costly, but there are incredible and often surprising rewards for leaders who recognize their own personal strengths and limitations while seeing and encouraging the greatness in others. Sometimes the ramifications of this timeless insight bring a smile.

Imagine a traditional, buttoned-down, classy department store with the expected crew of nicely dressed, decorous department managers and floor workers. In the midst of this stable setting appears a freewheeling bohemian hippie throwback with an attitude!

While consulting with a large department store chain, we encountered such a situation with a particular store employee. The management team just did not respect this guy because he did not fit the mold of the “perfect” floor salesperson. He dressed way too casually (did he even own a tie?). He wore his hair very long. His humor was caustic. He talked too loudly and joked too much. The only thing standing between him and a pink slip was the small matter of performance. He was positively brilliant at what he did!

His specialty was the children’s clothing department where the kids (and moms) loved him. To them, he was a funny, warm, and highly entertaining friend, a trusted advisor in selecting the best things to wear. Because the customers understood this man’s intentions—he loved meeting kids on their level and serving them—his countercultural appearance and behavior didn’t matter much. As long as his creative approach and personality accomplished the mission, he deserved to be a hero of management, not a personnel headache.

This man definitely was a diamond in the rough.

Sure, this example may be a bit extreme, but it illustrates the principle beautifully: A humble leader, who is not too full of self, has the capacity and good sense to allow others to sparkle and make a difference.

Many times a humble leader discovers strengths in his or her coworkers that even they have failed to detect.They relish the idea of helping people find their unique niche. They enjoy moving people along to bigger and better things. They celebrate the victories and provide encouragement when their people are discouraged or fearful of moving ahead.

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