Tag:

You Might Be a Jerk If…

You Might Be a Jerk If: Feeling

by Ron Potter January 4, 2016

“Let’s change the topic, I don’t want to deal with this at the moment.”

“Look, it’s your fault that we’re in this mess anyway. If you had made arrangements for this while you were on vacation it wouldn’t have happened in the first place.”

“I just don’t want to hear it any more, this is the way it’s going to happen!”

(If you didn’t start with the introduction to this “You might be a jerk if…” series, I suggest you make a quick review because it will help you better understand these subsequent blogs.)

Brenda is stuck! Her dominant function is Feeling which helps her know what’s really important in most situations and appreciate input from just about anyone. And normally, she’ll balance these great skills with either a good conceptual view of the world or a great grasp of the data, depending on her complete type.

There are four types that have this particular combination, the Introverted ISFP, INFP and the Extraverted ESFJ, ENFJ. As noted above the dominant in all four cases is Feeling and the inferior in all four cases is Thinking. These are what’s known as our Deciding functions, how do we decide what to do after we have taken in the data through our Perceiving functions of Sensing and iNtuition.

In a healthy state, these Deciding functions would then work in tandem with the “perceiving” functions of Sensing or iNtuition depending type. But, under pressure or stress, Brenda begins to lose this natural balance, falling back to her dominant function which will expose her feelings, no matter how raw they may be. Brenda will either become hypercritical or hypersensitive or both under pressure.

Balance, Balance, Balance

This is where team members and colleagues come into play. It’s difficult for any one of us to break out of these pressure packed situations. As colleagues, we want to help Brenda back into a balanced state by asking and sometimes even forcing her to use his auxiliary function. Notice that Brenda’s auxiliary function could be either Sensing or iNtuition depending on type. Let’s start with the Sensing balance.

“Brenda, we can’t ignore the topic right now, we need to make a decision this week.”

“I’m sorry I just can’t deal with it right now, there are just too many things this could impact.”

“Can we take a look at the data and see where that might be leading us and then discuss how that might impact the values of the company, if at all?”

“Yes, if you guarantee that we’ll see how these figures will impact the way we’re going to work this out with the people.”

As we begin to force Brenda to try a little balancing act, she’ll begin to regain her footing. Note that we can’t tell Brenda that his data problem doesn’t impact our overall values. Brenda has to come to grips with that through balancing her own natural Feeling and Sensing functions.

If we’re dealing with either the INFP or ENFJ than iNtuition is the auxiliary function, not Sensing. The approach is similar, but focused more on the conceptual or future view (iNtuition) rather than the data (Sensing).

“Brenda, we really don’t think this new direction will impact our care and concern for the employees but let’s see if we can see a way through this.”

“I just don’t see how it’s going to happen. I’m concerned we’ll end up in a very bad place.”

“We’ll, let’s talk through that. Describe for me the outcome you see as most likely in this case.”

“It’s just not going to end well.”

“Well, let’s get a grip on the possible outcomes and then really talk through the good and bad of the situation and see how we could mitigate any negative outcomes.”

“OK, I guess we’re just talking anyway. We can make the decisions as we figure out the best path.”

As we begin to force Brenda to try a little balancing act, she’ll begin to regain her footing. Note that we can’t tell her where the scenarios will lead. Brenda has to come to grips with that through balancing her own natural Feeling and iNtuition functions.

Stay tuned. We’ll continue to explore other ways to conduct your own “balancing” act. The best leaders have learned to balance their natural temperament functions with those of the people and teams around them. It’s when the functions get out of balance or opposed to each other that we get stuck as individuals and teams.

When it comes to your temperament, balance, balance, balance is the key to success.

0 comments

Blog Myers-Briggs You Might Be a Jerk If

You Might Be a Jerk If: Thinking

by Ron Potter December 21, 2015

(If you didn’t start with the introduction to this “You might be a jerk if…” series, I suggest you make a quick review because it will help you better understand these subsequent blogs.)

“I don’t care what you think and don’t confuse me with facts! This is our only way out! Besides, that’s just about the dumbest idea I’ve heard this century. Have you burned out all of your brain cells?
And don’t you dare challenge my intelligence or authority. I’ll make this decision and it will be the right decision.”

Bill is stuck! His dominant function is Thinking which helps him analyze situations and spot the pitfalls in advance. And normally, he’ll balance these great skills with either a good conceptual view of the world or a great grasp of the data, depending on his complete type.
There are four types that have this particular combination, the Introverted ISTP, INTP and the Extraverted ESTJ, ENTJ. As noted above the dominant in all four cases is Thinking and the inferior in all four cases is Feeling. These are what’s known as our Deciding functions, how do we decide what to do after we have taken in the data through our Perceiving functions of Sensing and iNtuition.
In a healthy state, these Deciding functions would then work in tandem with the “perceiving” functions of Sensing or iNtuition depending type. But, under pressure or stress, Bill begins to lose this natural balance, falling back to his dominant function which has a need for logic at all expense. Bill will either lash out in an unexpected (even out of character) emotional outburst or even if he keeps a calm exterior, be begins to take any comments or feedback as personal slights and criticism.

Balance, Balance, Balance

This is where team members and colleagues come into play. It’s difficult for any one of us to break out of these pressure packed situations. As colleagues, we want to help Bill back into a balanced state by asking and sometimes even forcing him to use his auxiliary function. Notice that Bill’s auxiliary function could be either Sensing or iNtuition depending on type. Let’s start with the Sensing balance.

“Bill, what information are you missing to make this decision?”
“I’m not missing any information, it’s just that the information we have doesn’t make sense!”
“Which piece of information doesn’t seem to make sense to you?”
“This one data set just doesn’t align with what we thought we knew. If it’s correct it will have a three week impact on the coding section.”
“OK, let’s think through that. What are the consequences of the three week impact on that portion of the schedule when we put it in context of the overall project?”
“Well, when I think about it that way it probably doesn’t make too much difference.”

As we begin to force Bill to try a little balancing act, he’ll begin to regain his footing. Note that we can’t tell Bill that his data problem doesn’t have much impact to the overall project. Bill has to come to grips with that through balancing his own natural Thinking and Sensing functions.
If we’re dealing with either the INTP or ENTJ than iNtuition is the auxiliary function, not Sensing. The approach is similar, but focused more on the conceptual or future view (iNtuition) rather than the data (Sensing).

“Bill, we’re not questioning your ability in this matter, but what information are you missing to make this decision?”
“I’m not missing any information, it’s just that the information we have doesn’t make sense!”
“Well, where do you think this information will lead?”
“I just don’t know. That’s the problem.”
“Let’s go back to your gut instincts. What is your experience telling you?”
“I’m pretty sure it has to lead us in this direction, I just can’t see it yet.”

As we begin to force Bill to try a little balancing act, he’ll begin to regain his footing. Note that we can’t tell Bill where the data should lead him. Bill has to come to grips with that through balancing his own natural Thinking and iNtuition functions.
Stay tuned. Next in our series titled “You might be a jerk if…” we’ll shift our focus from the dominant Thinking style to the dominant Feeling style. This one may have the most difficulty working in the corporate environment.

0 comments

Blog Myers-Briggs You Might Be a Jerk If

You Might Be a Jerk If: Intuition

by Ron Potter November 30, 2015

(If you didn’t start with the introduction to this “You might be a jerk if…” series, I suggest you make a quick review because it will help you better understand these subsequent blogs.)

“I can’t possibly sort through all of these options. I’m already overwhelmed. We could work on this all weekend and we’d never get through everything we need to figure out. Stop! Don’t ask me again, I don’t know how were going to proceed through this morass! I need to get out of here, I’m starving and I need a drink.”

Teresa is stuck! She can’t seem to find her way out and she wants a clear path forward that cuts through all the information, data and options. Teresa’s dominant function is iNtuition (need for concepts, visions and future goals) and her inferior function is Sensing (need for detail and information).
There are four types that have this particular combination, the Introverted INTJ, INFJ and the Extraverted ENTP, ENFP. As noted above, the dominant function in all four cases is iNtuition and the inferior in all four cases is Sensing. These are what’s known as our Perceiving functions, how do we perceive the world around us? These are the functions that we use to take in the information that we’ll need to eventually make a decision.
In a healthy state, these Perceiving functions would then work in tandem with the “deciding” functions of Thinking or Feeling depending type. But, under pressure or stress, Teresa begins to lose this natural balance, falling back to her dominant function which has a need to know where all of this is going and becomes unable to combine it with her deciding function to keep things moving along. Teresa will retreat into her sensory pursuits of binge eating, drinking, TV watching, physical activities or whatever allows her to escape the fact that she’s stuck.

Balance, Balance, Balance

This is where team members and colleagues come into play. It’s difficult for any one of us to break out of these pressure packed situations. As colleagues, we want to help Teresa back into a balanced state by asking and sometimes even forcing her to use her auxiliary function. Notice that Teresa’s auxiliary function could be either Thinking or Feeling depending on type. Let’s start with the Thinking balance.
“Teresa, where do you think this will all lead?”
“I don’t know. None of it makes any sense to me yet.”
“I know, but tell me what you think will be the best answer in the end.”
“Well, it needs to provide us options once we get the product into the market place.”
“Great. Looking beyond the data for a moment, what step do we need to figure out next to give us options in the future?”
As we begin to force Teresa to try a little balancing act, she’ll begin to regain her footing. Note that we can’t tell Teresa what the final state should be. It has to be the act of balancing her own functions of iNtuition and Thinking that begins to restore her sense of balance and allows him to begin functioning on a more normal basis based on her own type.
If we’re dealing with either the INFJ or ENFP than Feeling is the auxiliary function, not Thinking. The approach is similar, just using Feeling questions rather than Thinking questions,
“Teresa, what are you worried about?”
“I don’t feel like I can figure out where this is all headed.”
“What values are you concerned that we’ll miss?”
“It could be any of them if we can’t figure out how this will end up.”
“Well, let’s talk through some scenarios and see how our values set with each of them?”
As Teresa begins to answer these very basic Feeling questions, she begins exercising her own balancing mechanisms and it begins to help her out of the rut. Teresa is regaining balance.
It doesn’t help to point out the values that we believe need to be protected. Our job is to help Teresa regain her own, natural balance.
Stay tuned. Next in our series titled “You might be a jerk if…” we’ll shift our focus from the dominant styles centered on our perceiving function (sensing and intuition) to dominant styles based on our deciding functions of Thinking or Feeling. It’s an interesting shift.

0 comments

Blog Myers-Briggs You Might Be a Jerk If

You Might Be a Jerk If: Sensing

by Ron Potter November 16, 2015

(If you didn’t start with the introduction to this “You might be a jerk if…” series, I suggest you make a quick review because it will help you better understand these subsequent blogs.)

You Might be a Jerk If

“I’m telling you it won’t work!! We’ve tried this a hundred times and it just never gets us anywhere. No, this is not a new approach and it won’t get us any closer than the last effort. We’re missing something. We just don’t have enough information to make the final decision. Now leave me alone so I can get the information we need from marketing, demographics, customer surveys, the last time we tried this, the data base, the internet, etc, etc, etc.”

Norm is stuck! He can’t seem to find his way out and he wants the security of more information and data. Often that information and data doesn’t exist, especially when we’re trying to make decisions about new directions or innovative approaches. Norm’s dominant function is Sensing (need for detail and information) and his inferior function is iNtuitive (conceptual and future focused).

What is ‘Sensing’?

There are four types that have this particular combination, the Introverted ISTJ, ISFJ and the Extraverted ESTP, ESFP. As noted above the dominant in all four cases is Sensing and the inferior in all four cases is iNtuitive. These are what’s known as our Perceiving functions, how do we perceive the world around us? These are the functions that we use to take in the information that we’ll need to eventually make a decision.

In a healthy state, these Perceiving functions would work in tandem with the “deciding” functions of Thinking or Feeling depending on type. But, under pressure or stress, Norm begins to lose this natural balance, falling back to his dominant function which has a need for more and more data and becomes unable to combine it with his deciding function to keep things moving along. Norm becomes very pessimistic about the future.

Balance, Balance, Balance

This is where team members and colleagues come into play. It’s difficult for any one of us to break out of these pressure-packed situations. As colleagues, we want to help Norm back into a balanced state by asking and sometimes even forcing him to use his auxiliary function. Notice that Norm’s auxiliary function could be either Thinking or Feeling depending on type. Let’s start with the Thinking balance.

“Norm, what do you think the answer will turn out to be?”

“I told you I haven’t gathered enough information.”

“I know, but tell me what you’ve figured out so far.”

“Not much”

“That’s OK, just share the pieces that you’ve thought about. Even if they’re still open questions in your mind.”

As we begin to force Norm to try a little balancing act, he’ll begin to regain his footing. Note that we can’t tell Norm what we’re thinking. It has to be the act of balancing his own functions of Sensing and Thinking that begins to restore his sense of balance and allows him to begin functioning on a more normal basis for his own type.

If we’re dealing with either the ISFJ or ESFP than Feeling is the auxiliary function, not Thinking. The approach is similar, just using Feeling questions rather than Thinking questions,

“Norm, what’s bothering you about this decision?”

“I don’t know yet I just know something’s not right.”

“Let’s talk through the source of your concern.”

“I don’t even know what that is yet, I haven’t gathered enough data to even express what’s bothering me.

“Well, give me some clues. Is it a concern about values? Are you concerned about how people will react or be affected? Is it more anger or fear?”

As Norm begins to answer these very basic Feeling questions, he begins exercising his own balancing mechanisms and it begins to help him out of the rut. Norm is regaining balance.

It doesn’t help to point things out or share what we think or feel about the situation. Our job is to help Norm regain his own, natural balance.

0 comments

Blog Myers-Briggs You Might Be a Jerk If

You Might Be a Jerk If: Setup

by Ron Potter November 2, 2015

You Might be a Jerk If
How did we get to this point where someone’s behavior looks like being a jerk to another person when we’re all trying to do our best?

(If you didn’t start with the introduction to this “You might be a jerk if…” series, I suggest you make a quick review because it will help you better understand these subsequent blogs.)

Order of Use

The two middle functions of Myers-Briggs (Sensing, iNtuition, Thinking and Feeling) are considered the decision making functions and each temperament type uses them in a different order.

Dominant Function

For instance, my temperament type of ENTJ (Extraverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judging) starts with the Thinking function being dominant. This means that I’m at my most natural using my Thinking function and will turn to it the most often when making a decision. Because it is my dominant function, I must have it satisfied if I’m to make a decision or support a decision.

Auxiliary or Supporting Function

Once my dominant function is satisfied (is it logical?) I will than turn to my auxiliary function to add balance and support to my dominant function. For my ENTJ preference, iNtuition will be my balancing function. So, once the decision seems to be logical or can be defended from a logical stand-point, my next question will be “Does it support or align with my conceptual view of the world of how things should be. This is my iNtuitive side.

Balance

First, notice that I have used my middle two functions of my Myers-Briggs type ENTJ. These are my dominant and auxiliary functions and must be satisfied for me to make and be comfortable with a decision. When I’m in balance and doing my best to solve problems and be in alignment with team decisions, I’m relying on these top two functions to be working in harmony.

Tertiary and Inferior Functions

The order of my last two functions, Sensing and Feeling happen with the Tertiary function (Sensing for the ENTJ) being 3^rd and Feeling being the last function in my decision making process. These two functions (notice they are not visible in my Type Indicator of ENTJ) will be used positively for getting outside the box of my normal thinking but will also show up when I finally “break” under the pressure and do or say something that I will likely regret later.

The role of Pressure and Stress

Under normal or healthy conditions, we all tend to function well in our dominant and auxiliary space. Our dominant function takes the lead but is open to and listens to our auxiliary functions for balance. We will likely pay attention to our 3^rd and 4^th function (Sensing and Feeling for the ENTJ) just to make sure we’re covering all the bases but they’ll tend to confirm decisions already made buy our first two functions. It’s important to note that I’ve always observed that the best of leaders seem to cycle through all four functions with equal emphasis so that the outside observer would have a difficult time determining which of the four functions is actually their dominant function. Balance, balance, balance.

But, under pressure or stress interesting thing begins to happen. We immediately lose our ability to deal with our 3^rd and 4^th functions in a healthy, balanced way and in fact, we begin to lose our ability to balance our dominant function with our auxiliary function. We become stuck in our dominant function!

In fact, this is what begins to make us look like a jerk. Our normal balance begins to recede and we find ourselves working from our single dominant function which can get harsh and unyielding in many ways. In fact, if the pressure finally gets to the breaking point, we actually revert back to our inferior function. And unless we’ve worked at improving our behavior under stress, we’re just not very good at expressing or dealing with our inferior function. That’s when we look and behave like a jerk!

We’ll begin to explore some of these issues in coming blogs as we look at various types and how they might look like a jerk.

0 comments

Blog Myers-Briggs You Might Be a Jerk If

You Might Be a Jerk If…

by Ron Potter October 19, 2015

Introduction

I really enjoyed the movie National Treasure with Nicolas Cage. In that movie they discover a pair of glasses with some very special lenses that allowed them to read the treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence.

We all develop our lenses through years of experiences, learning and observing. The lenses that I’ve developed through the years tend to be focused on leadership style, team building, decision making and other dynamics of leadership teams. When I see what appears to be strange, unexplainable or dysfunctional behavior I’ll often flip the “blue” lens in place or maybe I need to add the “red” lens to the mix so that I can see a deeper image. The point is that with the right lens we can see and understand behavior and dynamics in most situations.

You might be a jerk…

But what happens when you don’t have the right lens or haven’t developed the lens you need to understand a particular situation?

There are too many times during a team meeting, especially a team under the stress of making a right decision during difficult conditions. when in a whisper or a side conversation I’ll hear someone say “What a jerk.” Nobody intends to be a Jerk. No one is sitting there trying to think about how royally could they screw up this decision making process. They’re not being a jerk, they’re just looking like a jerk through your lens. Try flipping down your “blue” lens to see how a particular temperament might react or behave in this situation. Maybe it begins to look more normal and understandable and not look like being a jerk. Still doesn’t explain all the behavior? Try flipping down your “red” lens to see how that temperament might behave under extreme pressure or maybe add the “green” lens to see what happens when that particular temperament finally hits the breaking point. Now that may not excuse the behavior but it sure explains it and helps us figure out how to support our colleague through these pressure moments.

Myers-Briggs Series

I’m going to start a series titled “You might be a jerk if.. to talk about those moments when it seems like someone is being a jerk but in reality they’re simply performing in a manner that any person of their temperament type might behave under similar circumstances.

My goals are to:

Help you develop new lenses to see behavior in a new way and not write it off simply as someone being a jerk.
Give you new tools to help team dynamics improve overall.
Help you and others perform better under pressure
Prevent the breaking points when someone reacts in a way that makes it difficult to recover even with the best of efforts.

You might be normal if…

Hopefully we’ll change those opportunities from “you might be a jerk” to “you might be normal” and here’s a healthier way to work that adds value to both the individuals and the whole team.

Stay tuned to “You might be a jerk if …”

4 comments